How to be an Actor

Be on time to rehearsal. Be there on the days you’re called. If you can, be there on days you’re not. Take care of your book. Don’t mark your script in pen. Don’t dog-ear the pages. Learn your lines. Learn your staging. Learn your music and choreography. Seriously, you can’t wait until tech week to be off book. Be polite. Don’t make noise if you sit in the audience. Don’t be afraid to get silly. It’s ok if it doesn’t turn out right on the first go. Don’t be afraid to call “line.” But seriously, learn your lines. Say “thank you, blackout.” Say “thank you, hold.” Don’t turn your back to the audience. Speak slowly. Don’t pause to feel in between every word. Don’t upstage your fellow actors, especially if you’re tall. Don’t sing the parts that aren’t yours. Don’t forget to smile. Always make your gestures big and visible from the back of the house. Keep the energy up. Rest your voice. Drink plenty of water. Drink tea. Take vitamin C. Remember your staging. No phones on stage. No more calling for a line. Treat this like a real show. Break a leg. Give it your all. Don’t throw in any “special moments” just because it’s the last show. Don’t take a gratuitous bow. Make sure to clap for your fellow actors. Don’t leave yet, we still need to strike the set. Erase your scripts and turn them back in before you go. Don’t get too crazy at the cast party. Take a minute to consider what you’ve accomplished here. I know we got short with each other, but I love you all. Just for a moment, we made everybody out there ignore their troubles. Don’t ever forget that. And for f**k’s sake, learn your lines.

The Truth About Love

It’s very much like taking a s**t

Everybody does it

Whether they want

To admit it

Or not

For some people, it’s an event

To plan around

Others take it as it comes to them

Sometimes, it’s loud and embarrassing but

Some people are like s**t-ninjas

And nobody knows

It even happened

Sometimes it’s hard

Sometimes it’s effortless

It could be in little spurts or all at once

Some people do it all the time

Others have been waiting an eternity for it

Sometimes it’s messy, but if you’re lucky,

Or just know how to prepare yourself

It’s neat and you move on

Without anything hanging on

Sometimes you sit there in agony

As your insides are torn apart and you’re praying

That it will be over soon

And sometimes

No matter how hard you try

You end up sitting there

Rocking back and forth

But nothing comes