I've noticed that when people are on the phone, they talk loudly--like, really loudly--to the point where they give me no choice but to listen in on their conversation. Is that wrong? Does that count as eaves-dropping? If it does, then, oh well.

I've always been a fan of people watching, but I've come to find that hearing bits and pieces of other people's phone calls is so much more entertaining: it plants you into a story with absolutely no context at all, and that can make for some really interesting content. Like, some of the things people so openly talk about on the phone are just downright outrageous. I feel like my phone calls never get that crazy, but that's probably because the only people who call me are my parents and the fake IRS. And so, I'm left to experience a dramatic and wild life through the one-sided conversations of strangers on my bus.

So next time you find yourself sitting next to someone talking loudly on the phone, I implore you to lend your ear to their conversation. And if you're surrounded by multiple people conversing, even better! You'll be able to listen in on all of them, flipping back and forth like the channels on a TV. It'll be a good time; I promise.

Telephone

Can you please pick up some milk on the way home from work today?
Thanks, and please don't forget this time.
I'm tired of having to eat my Fruit Loops dry,
and orange juice really isn't cutting it.

Hi! Can I place an order for a venti light-iced
skinny caramel-frappe-mocha-macchiato latte
with three pumps of sugar-free vanilla, two pumps of Stevia, and
a splash of almond milk? It's for Dani--
with an "i."

And so I told her
he's never going to make it:
he's a drug freak and he has three STDs.

I swear to God, Johnny.
If I get home and I find that you are still on that damn Nintendo Switch
you are going to be in big trouble young man!

Yo! Derek is throwing down tonight--you in?
Of course, you have to drink.
We're doing at least ten shots together.
Don't be a weenie.

Hey babe,
I was thinking that maybe we should take a break for a while.
I'm just like super busy right now with soccer and school,
you know?

The doctor said the ointment should come in a few days
but I don't know how much longer I can wait.
The rash has literally spread from my lower back to my ass
and I now every time I go to the bathroom,
I have to make sure no one else is there to hear me scratching my butt on the toilet.

This call is to inform you that the IRS is--

I'm not saying I hate your mother.
All I'm saying is that we don't have to invite her over for dinner every week.
I'm sick of our house smelling
like dusty peppermints and slightly damp adult diapers.

Have you been taking the fish oil I ordered for you?
I read online that it reduces the risk of coronary heart disease.
WebMD most certainly is a reliable source!

I swear, we're just friends. I know he slept over,
but my bed is like, a king-sized bed,
so it's not like we touched...

Hi, I understand that you are Margaret's U.S. history teacher?
This is Diana, her mother.
I am calling about the grade she received on her most recent essay.

Please, don't hang up.
I'm sorry.
I know I messed up, but I swear
it didn't mean anything.

Goodnight, sweetie.
Remember that Mom and Dad are so proud of you.
You're doing a great job over there.
We'll talk to you soon...okay?