Pocketless Pants: A Closet Conspiracy

Pocketless Pants: A Closet Conspiracy

Fed up with fake pockets? These theories will have you in stitches.
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I’m generally a calm person, but nothing gets my blood boiling like when I try to put my hand in my pocket only to find that it’s sewn shut. I’m surprised every time, not for a lack of consistency but for the sheer stupidity of it all. Someone has actually taken the time to design the pockets, place them on the pants, and then to sew them shut—and for what? This question has baffled me for years, and in a recent attempt to find answers I’ve developed a few theories.

1. To make us buy purses

If we don’t have pockets to put our phones, wallets, and keys in, then we have no choice but to pour our savings into decorative sacks. It’s all a ploy for stores to make more money—and to reinforce “feminine” conventions, because what honest woman doesn’t carry around a cute little purse? (Answer: me, ever since my unicorn purse was stolen during Sunday School in the second grade. But I digress.)

Luckily, there’s another option for those of us who can’t keep track of a purse. If you’ve been keeping up with recent trends, you may have noticed that the fanny pack is making a comeback. What a novel idea: a space for your items that doesn’t require you to hold on to anything. Hmm, what does that sound like? That's right—the perfect accessory for those pocket-less pants. And it’ll only set you back about $20. Nice!

2. To make us dependent on men

Ever wonder why men have so many pockets? They have back pockets, front pockets, thigh pockets—and if that’s not enough, they’ve got shirt pockets, too. The most I’ve ever seen a guy carry on his person consisted of a wallet and keys. Something’s not adding up here.

Maybe all that extra space isn’t actually for his things, but for yours. If he’s got your phone and money in his pocket, you aren’t going anywhere. He has you, and your possessions, safely within reach. Everyone wins—just hope the date doesn’t go too poorly.

3. To make us look slimmer

Don’t women have enough junk in the trunk already? No room for any extra. Can’t have that phone or wallet messing with your figure (or obstructing the view, because that’s the only reason women wear tight pants, right?)

4. That’s all I’ve got

Because there is literally no plausible explanation for such an idiotic design choice. We’ve had so many revolutions in women’s clothing: we are no longer subject to swooning from corsets that are too tight, we don’t have to keep our ankles covered for fear of the scandal, and we can wear pants if we so choose. We have not come so far only to tolerate pockets that only look the part.

Ladies, I’m proposing a strike against false pockets: let’s check before we buy.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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7 Things You Do If You’re One Of Those 'I Always Order Chicken Tenders' People

It's hard to love food but also hate it at the same time.

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1. You eat something you hate just to see if you still hate it

I'll take a bite of a burger every once in a while just to reaffirm that it still tastes like dirt. I just have to know. Don't even get me started on vegetables.

2. When trying to explain what you actually like to eat, people give you major side eye

Don't ask me about my eating habits unless you want to get into a long, confusing conversation.

3. Eating at someone else’s house when you were younger was a pain

You hate to tell their parents just how much you hate the food that they gave you. So, you sucked it up and ate it anyway only to come home and whine to your parents.

4. There’s one thing on any menu you always fall back on...even if it’s on the kids menu

Pizza, maybe. Chicken tenders, always.

5. Trying a new food is a very proud moment

It's like, wow! Look at me being all adventurous.

6. When you realize you actually like some new food, that’s an even more amazing moment

Crazy times. This rarely happens.

7. Sometimes it’s the texture, sometimes it’s the flavor, all the time it’s left on your plate

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Why Ariana Grande's '7 Rings' Symbolizes Women Empowerment

I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it.

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After "God Is A Woman" and "Thank U, Next," I was sure I had just found my ultimate favorite song. If you know me, you know that I am simply obsessed with Ariana Grande and her music. Her concerts and recorded soundtracks sound the exact same!

Her "God Is A Woman" hit started off 2019 on a powerful note, debuting as her fourth number 1 hit single on Billboard's Pop Songs charts. On January 19th, "7 Rings" premiered with nearly 15 million views within the first 24 hours.

This female empowerment anthem was inspired by the soundtrack "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. Ariana Grande revealed how the song was dedicated to her 6 best friends after she got drunk at Tiffany's (refer to the first line of the song) and bought herself along with her 6 friends matching engagement rings. On Twitter, she later revealed that there were actually 9 rings, which she bought for her mother and her Nonna later after the song was released.

The whole concept of "7 Rings" comes from a place of inspiring women to be their own source of happiness and to shop with your bffs until you drop. Ariana basically summed this up in her line "Wearing a ring, but ain't gon' be no 'Mrs.'"

Well, Ariana Grande is popular for her heartfelt and meaningful lyrics. Throughout her career, ever since she was red-haired Cat, she's released emotional and memorable tunes which all speak to her personally. "7 Rings" is no different, although it's basically an anthem to how rich she is. We stan a queen.

She said, "Twas a pretty rough day in NYC. My friends took me to Tiffany's. We had too much champagne and I bought us all rings. It was very insane and funny and on the way back to the studio Njomza was 'this gotta be a song,' so we wrote it that afternoon."

In case you haven't watched it already, watch it. Now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYh6mYIJG2Y&app;=desktop

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