For as long as I could remember, I have always seen myself as the fat friend. I had always been the biggest one in my friend group, which ultimately led me to become super self-conscious about my body.
For years I would always have the same New Years Resolution, I was going to lose weight. I would go on a diet and exercise for the first couple months of the year, but, when I set my mind to something I usually go overboard. While on this plan I will sometimes gravitate towards rash methods of not eating and working out for an extended period of time. It's not healthy.
Over the years I continued to gain weight. I took up a few workout programs here and there, but I would always gravitate towards my compulsive workout and dieting methods. So, I stopped working out and dieting altogether.
I realized though, that the only reason I wanted to start working out and dieting was to fit in with all of my friends whose bodies were built differently than mine. They could wear whatever they wanted, and never got questioned if a certain pattern or dress shape looked unflattering. I, on the other hand, spent hours trying to figure out which style of clothing looked the most flattering.
As I've gotten older I began to grow more confident in my body. I no longer feel bad for being the fat friend and I no longer compare my body size to them. I realized that every person is built differently and that's totally okay. It took me years to get to a point where I've started to accept my body, and I'm not going to go back and hate it all over again.
I'm not going to shame any girl who wants to lose weight. For me personally, I want to be healthier this year. But, being healthier doesn't always mean that you have to be focused on losing weight. You can still make better decisions for your body and not be so focused on weight loss.
This year, I want to love my body for all of its curves and imperfections. I would like to cut down on my soda and my massive caffeine intake. I would also like to start working out a little bit with the intention of being able to walk to class and not get winded. You can decide to make healthier choices in your life without having to lose weight.
I used to strive to look like girls on tv, skinny and perfect, but now I strive to love my body no matter what my pant size is.
