Falling in love is a big part of growing up. In my 19 years of life, I’ve learned one thing for sure: love is never easy. I have been on all sides of love. From being head-over-heels, to heartbroken, to watching my friends fall in love, and being the shoulder to cry on. Through all the heartbreak, it can sometimes be hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Why does it seem like so many of us waste time going after the wrong person, ignoring all signs that clearly say “turn back now?" Does true love exist at all? Too often we find ourselves stuck in a rut chasing after the wrong one, hoping for reciprocation that doesn’t come.

A few weeks ago, a friend told me, “You pick bad guys and wonder why — it’s like touching a fire and wondering why it burnt you.”

Brutally honest, his words made me stop and think. He wasn’t wrong. I had definitely had my fair share of burns. I think a lot of us can relate to falling for the wrong people and being left wondering why it didn’t work out. However, while it’s easy to look back and see just where you went wrong, the tricky thing about fire is that it is so alluring at first. When around fire, you get a false sense of security and warmth, that only works to mask the danger that lies so near. You know what they say, if you play with fire, you will get burned. The closer you get the more dangerous it becomes. Despite this, we are still drawn to the “fires” in our lives and are surprised when seemingly harmless people leave us hurt.

Before we are left burned and confused, we need to start looking for the ashes. The hot, burning embers that sizzle and jump out of the fire; warning signs of near danger. The first step to seeing the signs of potentially harmful people is knowing how you deserve to be treated and putting your values first. I am famously known for saying “but this time, it’s different,” in situations of doubt. While being optimistic is important, it also can lead to a dangerous rut. The only way to start moving forward is to learn from past situations and start recognizing the all too familiar warning signs before you get burned.

Nothing with love is ever as it seems. They call it “falling in love” for that very reason, the idea of “falling” itself is reckless, uncontrolled and scary. I’m all for taking the leap. Some people were meant to be more than friends, regardless of the heartbreak it might cause. However, before taking the leap, look at what lies ahead. Set your standards high. Don’t settle. Heartbreak is only worth the trouble it if you learn from it.

Fall in love. Find someone that makes you feel happy and comforted when you are around them. But when you are jumping heart-first into the unknown, uncontrollable fire pit of love, remember to protect your heart. Know when it’s safe to get close, but also just as quickly when to turn back and walk away.

Don’t fall for the alluring fire, know when to back away before you get burned. You deserve all the comfort and warmth of the fire, without the burn.