I'm a planner. It isn't the most typical passion, but I find such joy and endless hours of entertainment by planning, may it be a party, my future wedding, vacations, and don't even get me started on the "5 Year Plan." Planning is why I excelled in student council activities, why I make a darn good pros and cons list, and why you definitely want me as your bridesmaid.
Here's the thing. I've been known to get ahead of myself, finding myself on Apartments.com, looking for future apartments that most certainly will not be available when the time actually comes for me to sign a lease. And no, I may not be engaged, but it can't hurt to check out how much Baby's Breath in bulk costs. And I know I can't be the only one stressed out over the homeowner's loan that will be under my name in roughly 10 years. I start the night out in my current state, but give me some time and my brain will be seven years ahead deciding on baby names.
The problem with focusing so much on the future and what is going to happen is that I have a very hard time living in the moment. One thing that I have never been is spontaneous. I have tried, trust me, but a spur of the moment, carefree lifestyle is not how I am wired. I still envy people who are able to be so easy going, and let life take them any way the wind might blow. By being so future oriented, I often miss the simple joy of being present in the current state of life.
I like that I always have a plan. It gives me a sense of control. The problem, I have come to know all too well, is that my plan and God's plan are rarely the same. And no matter how many to do lists I make or notes I take, I am never going to be the one in control. And for us planners, this is the hardest thing to accept. I would be lying if I said that I easily let go and give the steering wheel up to God. I've spent a lot of days fighting Him for direction over my life, not realizing that God is the one with the map. For someone who for so long has wanted to be spontaneous, I really struggle with happily letting my life take whatever course it is meant to take.
This is something to work on, and something I do not think I am alone on. I don't have the perfect advice on how to give control up to God, or how to be present in the moment, but I can say that the times I have let go, I have never been let down. When my plans have been shattered into a million pieces, I have always been led down a path even more fulfilling. Life is never going to go according to my plan, but I do believe there is a plan for my life, and I can't wait to see what it is.
