Let’s face it: the word ‘feminism’ has a negative connotation to it. As much as I hate that, it’s true. A large number of the women I know have been called an “angry liberal feminist” as if it’s an insult. I’ve never really taken offense to it, because I probably am angry, I’m pretty liberal, and I am definitely a feminist. When you call someone that, you’re probably just stating facts about them. The problem with us angry, liberal feminists, though, is that we sometimes judge other women for not being as “anti-establishment” as we’d like.

The idea that some women are less of a feminist — or even less of a woman — because they have some traditional ideals is completely ignorant and wrong. Wanting to be a stay-at-home mother is just as valid as wanting to be a world class surgeon. It is okay to want to wear a white wedding dress even though it’s meant to signify virginity. Equality does not mean that you can’t assume traditional gender stereotypes. It means that you don’t have to if you don’t want to. No one ever said anything about it not being okay for you to want that. The women who fought for our right to vote were also wives and mothers. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was a wife for forty-seven years and a mother of seven. Lucretia Mott was a wife and mother of six. It is not okay for one woman to judge another for the choices they make. It’s not your life. It doesn’t affect you in any way. Take a note from everyone’s #hairgoals, Jessica Day:

You can have a traditional gender role, like a wife and mother, and still be a feminist. I think that’s where not-so-traditional feminists get confused, but part of being a feminist is being okay with women doing whatever the hell they want! The fight for equality is still alive and well and someone assuming a traditional role does not change that. They don’t demean feminists. They are not less of a person. You judging them is what demeans feminism. I’m really not trying to attack anyone, but it is important to recognize that this is a problem in the feminist community (which should be literally everyone on the planet).

On the flip side, it is also not okay for someone in a traditional gender role to judge another woman for not wanting to get married or have kids. Wanting to be a career woman without children is also a perfectly valid choice. The point is that it is a choice. It is never okay to judge anyone. I know that it’s in our human nature to judge, and that’s alright but it’s not alright to actively and openly judge. Women of all shapes, sizes and colors have to stick together to get by in this world. Let’s not create a divide by judging each other.