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Pet Peeves: 101

Do of these and you risk an imaginary annihilation

John Anderson Myers

Jan 31, 2017

Eastern Michigan University

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I’m a critically cantankerous and curmudgeonly individual. Statler and Waldorf fused together in a single human brain . An old timer stomping around yelling to all you youngsters to “get off my lawn” even though I have no lawn. My fuse is short, and I’m constantly fantasizing channeling my irritation toward the guilty parties that irritated me. It might take the form of invoking some ancient Aztec fire deity and unleashing them upon my victim has crossed my mind. Vaulting across the room to pummel a poor soul with an intricate series of kung-fu fighting maneuvers has also crossed my mind.

Why would I imagine such an aggressive form of revenge or punishment? Did you borrow a movie and not return it? Nay. Have you insulted my family’s honor? Again, nay. What then, might warrant such creative, yet totally non-real, punishments? Since you’ve read this far, I’ll tell you. My would-be victims have been found in violation of one of my pet peeves.

What are my pet peeves? Look no further than below this statement a brief list:

Bad parking

I won't say that I created an instagram dedicated to bad parking jobs, but....

Mouth-open chewers

Seriously, don't be this person.

Classroom seat thieves

Any time of the semester is off limits, but do this near the semester's end and I'll break out in an ancient latin chant, sacrifice a rabbit, and drink its blood as I banish you to the lowest circle of Hell.

Pen thieves

This Liam Neeson meme says all that needs to be said.

"I seen"

It's "I see," "I saw," or "I have seen." Learn 'em, remember 'em, and love 'em. Otherwise you will suffer my wrath (my scowl).

Bad grammar/spelling/punctuation

Yes, I'm one of these people. Guilty as charged. By the way, it's 2017. Grammar Alt-Right, please.

One-dollar-over bidders

Just searching this last image via Google has caused my heart rate to spike. If it happened to me, I would likely be prosecuted for assault charges.

What are some of your pet peeves? Do we share any? Comment below to let me know.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Pet Peeves: 101

Do of these and you risk an imaginary annihilation

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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