For the fixers,
It’s time to quit.
I get you. I am you. You see the clear solution to most things and you can’t understand why situations, life, people get so complicated when they don’t have to be. You care so much about making things right, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but here’s the thing:
You can’t bear the weight of your own problems, your own life, your own messes, on your own, let alone anyone else's. You alone can not even fix yourself. You most certainly can not fix other people.
You can not change someone. You might be able to change their mind about a topic. You might be able to change their day and make it brighter. You might be able to make a real and lasting impact on them. But no matter who you are or what you do, you can not change someone.
I used to struggle so much with this. “But no one has ever treated them like I am right now. No one’s ever listened to them and been there for them like this. No one’s ever stayed around and not given up or jumped ship. No one’s ever spoken the positive about them to them.” There’s a billion things no one has ever tried before in every situation and with every person, and while all of those are good things to do, it still comes back to the same truth. No matter what you do, you can not fix, or change someone.
Here’s the good news. There is someone who does exactly that. It has never been and will never be your job to do so. It’s the Lord’s. We call him Savior for a reason, because He is the only one that can save us. We call it transforming and redeeming grace for a reason, because that is exactly what His grace does.
Even better, He can give us roles in His work. He can call us to be a sliver of His light for someone. He can give us the right words to say, the ones that someone needs to hear. He can send the visions our way and allow us to do something for someone that will change a part of their life for the better. He can put us in the exact right place in the exact right time so that we might be the impact-maker, but He can only do that if we understand that He is forever and always the one and only game-changer.
He’s also the best playmaker, which is the hardest thing for a real fixer to understand. We have our ideas, wants, goals, plans, but His will always be better. So instead of taking the next situation, or person, or people, into your own hands and deciding what you’re going to do to make a difference, pray about it, and let God show you what the two of you can do together.
You can’t bear the weight of your own problems. You can’t fix yourself. You most definitely can’t bear anyone else’s problems or fix them. But you can pray to the one who can. That is honestly the best thing you can do for them. And then you can trust and let Him act according to His perfect plan. He can use you, and He can fix anything- any heart, any person, any place- no matter how broken.
He didn’t create you to be a fixer, that’s His job, so go be something else. Be a prayer. Be a leader. Be a friend. Be a peacemaker. All of those things put you in the role of being what He has called you to be- His disciple.
