This past March, I bought tickets to see Panic! At The Disco, A R I Z O N A, and Hayley Kiyoko in Chicago at the United Center. It took me almost two hours to secure tickets but when I finally did, I went OFF. I was able to somehow get floor tickets and I was pumped because I knew Brendon, the lead singer of Panic!, has a habit of running through the crowd (he curved me once again but it's whatever). I was also super excited about this show because I got to go with two of my best friends who I never see; the three of us drove from Illinois to New York last summer to see Brendon perform in "Kinky Boots" on Broadway so we're extra™ AF. Brendon Urie is by far one of my most favorite people on the planet and the fact that I was going to get to hear his angelic voice live again was so crazy.
Panic! At The Disco show is like no other, Brendon's vocals alone knock every concert out of the park but when they're combined with the lights, pyro, the stage presence, the rest of the band, and the extra strings and horns, you get the perfect show. When all of the elements of a Panic! Show come together, you feel at home and inspired like you could do anything and be anyone you want to be.
Earlier this month, Brendon came out in a magazine article as pansexual, he had never officially "come out" or wanted to put a label on his sexuality but I think all his fans knew that he wasn't straight. Reading the article and seeing him proudly use a label made my heart swell with pride and happiness. Seeing him perform "Girls/Girls/Boys" after he had come out was a whole different experience I wasn't prepared for. He had even more confidence, if that's even possible, and owned every single second of the song.
The first two times I had seen P!ATD, I was still closeted/trying to figure out who I really was. I saw them July of 2016 and March of 2017 and both times I sobbed during "Girls/Girls/Boys". To me, it validated my feelings about thinking I was bisexual and made me feel connected to Brendon even more. Every time I listen to the song I just sit there and I'm like "okay what I'm feeling is real and it matters and I'm a valid person" so I always get hella emotional when I hear it live. This past pride month, I finally gained the confidence to come out as bisexual and I truly think the support I feel from music, like Panic!'s, helped me get to the point I'm at now. And right before Brendon started singing "Girls/Girls/Boys" this past concert he told us all how much we mattered and that we were all little miracles and I truly felt that. Thank you, Brendon.
Panic! At The Disco concerts will always be such a safe space for me and Brendon Urie will forever hold my heart. He has given me confidence and self-love and I hope I get to see him again soon, I miss him already.