Since the overnight (and incredibly sneaky) votes in the Senate to repeal the Affordable Care Act, women all over Pennsylvania have been calling Republican Senator Pat Toomey's office, voicing their concerns for reduced access to reproductive healthcare. A couple of weeks ago, a woman said the Senator’s office hung up on her after she used the word “menstruation.” The office claimed she was hung up on for using “graphic language.” Um, excuse me? Who knew they taught us bad words in sixth-grade health class!
I was immediately very perplexed and, in a cynical way, entertained. You’re telling me legislators are too uncomfortable to hear certain words, yet they feel that they can still rightly pass laws on the subject? Does this not make sense to anyone else, or am I delusional? (The latter may be correct, being that I'm forced to read about Donald Trump every day.) The only thing graphic to come out of this are the words I have for Pat Toomey.
SEE ALSO: An Open Letter To Pat Toomey
On one hand, it’s incredibly disturbing that men (of both parties!) are so out of touch with a woman’s body. Tom Price, Trump's nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services has noted that he never heard of a woman who couldn’t afford contraception. You know what the scariest part of that is? THAT MAN IS A SURGEON. LIKE AN ACTUAL DOCTOR WITH ACTUAL PATIENTS. It’s sad that he clearly doesn’t even step outside his GOP-elitist bubble when caring for others. Maybe some GOP leaders don’t call pussy grabbing “sexual assault” because they don’t even know that those parts are included in the female reproductive system.
On the other hand, I think it’s kind of hilarious that men are so grossed out by female processes. For anyone reading this who may be unaware, every month a woman’s uterine lining sheds to self-clean and prepare for a possible future baby. Since that tissue had a blood supply, that blood comes with it, too. It’s called men-strua-tion! I hope the nightmares of Republicans are filled with angry personified uteruses, used maxi pads and a post-menopausal Hillary Clinton. For wanting to get into vaginas so much, you’d think men would be more receptive to their natural processes.
Then I saw an event on Facebook that made me laugh even harder. “If You Can’t Say it, Don’t Legislate it!” was an event that happened last week in Pittsburgh outside of Toomey’s local office. The group collected donations of feminine products for women in need and read excerpts aloud from "Our Bodies Ourselves." The book is a bestseller, providing information on everything women’s health related. Then some brilliant mind thought of the best thing since sliced bread … toasted bread. (No, totally kidding, her idea was 100x BETTER than toasted bread, which is pretty hard to beat.) She had the attendees write letters to Pat Toomey on panty liners. They are en route to his office right now.
I couldn’t make the meeting due to class, but you can bet your bottom dollar (or if female, your bottom 77 cents) that I sent one on my own! I think we should make this a regularly scheduled event. We can call it “Patty’s Panty Liners.” Just giving him a more feminine name will make him feel less worthy like the rest of us.
So yes, the next four years will be incredibly degrading for women, but at the very least we’ll be entertained over the ignorance of the male species. Even though my legal rights are slowly being taken away, I feel like I have more power over men. Just by knowing that I could majorly freak out a man by popping out and yelling “MENSTRUATION!” I feel like I could run the world. *Cue Beyoncé*