Ever since I can remember, my family has always had to bite the bullet, hold our tongues and manage a genuine smile no matter what chaos surrounded us.
I never understood why I had to tip-toe around other people's slip ups, but no one would give me the same courtesy. Now that I'm older, I see things in a different light. I am outspoken and I surely speak my mind. I have no problem confronting someone if I need to or even if I don't, so you can imagine how hard it was for me to grow up silent about my true feelings. My parents raised me to always stand up for what I believe in and to be my own person, and I used to wonder how they could preach that yet ask me to refrain from saying how I felt. I had to learn the difference between knowing when it is right to speak and when it's not—a hard lesson, if you ask me.
The really cool thing about keeping quiet is that in the silence, I found myself. I became an individual and gave myself standards. Instead of going out and scolding others for what I disagreed with, I discovered the morals that I live by today and chose to flee from those things. I wish I could say that it has been an easy process, but standing firm in the foundation I built for myself has been the greatest struggle of my life.
My father is a preacher so that makes me a preacher's kid. I've been in church my whole life. I always wanted to be the best Christian I could be, and I believed I would always hold tightly to that, but Satan didn't take it easy on me. God's plan, though, is greater than the devil's! When I was young, my mom homeschooled my brother and me. She taught us Bible verses and strengthened our faith in the Lord. We eventually went to a real school and that's when everything changed. I was sheltered in the sanctity of my home away from the real world, but school was the test of my faith. I was exposed to worldly people and lifestyles, and it peaked my interest. As I got older, it got so much harder to stand up for my beliefs because it made me weird. I wanted to fit in. Thus, begins the best lesson I have ever learned.
To me, fitting in meant pushing my beliefs aside. I was willing to drop everything just to be accepted. I felt like such an outcast, an outsider, a nobody because I was too "goody-goody" or "godly" for a crowd of people I should have never even been around. Standing up for what I believed in was essentially social suicide. For too long I became someone I never wanted to be, something that I wasn't and I was miserable. Who was I trying to impress? I lost who I was but more than that, I lost my voice.
I had built this firm foundation in God, made a good reputation for myself, and was happier than ever until I decided to put myself ahead of Him. The voice I had held inside of me for so long, the one I wanted to use so badly, vanished. I felt so empty. And the real kicker is that I still felt like an outsider. I realized that I did not need to please anyone else not even myself over God. My joy is found only in him. I have my voice back and I use it loudly and proudly to encourage others that there is favor in their foundation. I am not ashamed nor am I alone. It still gets hard but life is not meant to be easy. Just know that you are never an outsider; you are an inspirer! Stand firm in your foundation and stand up for what you believe. Your voice is a beautiful gift that matters and is meant to be used. Go inspire someone today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life.
