Last week, I had one of those days where not a single thing seemed to go right. Actually, scratch that—everything went as wrong as possible.
I was clouded with negative thoughts about upcoming months—how will I keep up financially? Why aren’t MY plans working out? Why do I feel like I’m going in circles? Plus, just about every exterior element seemed to be like a hurricane-force wind trying to blow me over.
Anytime I’m out and about driving around, I try to dedicate all my quiet time alone to talking to Him. I lay it all out—my worries, prayers, all that good stuff (it's okay that I look insane…I think). So after crying for the entire 30-minute drive, I pulled into my church without even knowing how I got there…and something tugged at me.
Walking in mid-meltdown probably wasn’t settling for the receptionist, but just a few moments later I was seated across from one of God’s people and back in the presence of His peace.
The first thing I let out? I feel like God is just staring at me, like “REALLY?”
I wasn’t proud of my work ethic or the way I was letting others' actions steal my peace…I was working against God, and not with him. But then, a really interesting question came up: when you imagine how God is seeing you right now, what does his facial expression seem to say?
I always imaged a sort of wince, or maybe the frustration of someone stuck in traffic…either way, not too stoked about what He’s seeing. But then, I was reminded of something.
God is always smiling at you.
Even when you’re broken, even when you mess up, even when you spend a whole day planning and attending your own pity party. Love so unconditional and incredible isn’t something man is used to.
We know conditions; we know the shift that comes when we disappoint someone we love. Even when it's subtle and unspoken, most of us have made a mistake or sinned in a way that we have received some sort of “love deduction” for.
This isn’t the fault of the people who have acted in such a way—this is just the love humans are taught.
We aren’t taught the skill of loving in a selfless and devoted way, despite the mistakes others are inevitably going to make. We can practice and practice, but being perfect in love just isn’t our thing…thankfully, it IS His.
There’s a huge spiritual exhale waiting for us when we finally trust in the unwavering love of God. He’s not sitting tight-lipped, shaking his head, waiting for a mistake or to reprimand and deny us a blessing.
He’s on the sidelines like an awesome dad, cheering and pushing us to get up when we fall into sin—and congratulating us when we live for His glory. How cool is it to know that He’s sitting there beside us on our worst days, foam finger-clad and all?
Relax into the love of God. Let it be your open door to practicing loving others the same way, and showing your own self a little grace when you slip up.
Special thanks to Pastor Jake for reminding me of His love!
