To be clear, I'm not writing this for you. I'm writing this because it's my only way to compile my own thoughts since I have no contact with you any longer. Just 132 days ago, you made a decision that would change my life forever. Five days prior to this, we went out and had a great time — we laughed, enjoyed a shake together, and went for a drive. I did not know less than five days later you were going to leave us all.

I don't know what changed so drastically in a matter of five days. You went from the happy-go-lucky brother I loved so dearly to someone who hated our entire family. As I watched you pack up all of your belongings, throwing them out onto the curb, you had a cold, straight face. You would not even look at me.

You had never done that, and that crushed me.

You were my brother — someone I looked up to and enjoyed spending free time with. But everything changed when you met her. You would not come home for days at a time, and when you did it was quick to grab a few things, only to be gone again. You told me how excited you were to have met someone so great, and that you could not wait to see what your future held with her. What I did not know was how much, and how fast she was going to change you and take my brother away from me. And, that is something I will never forgive her for.

When she came to pick you and all of your belongings up, she smiled and said, "don't worry, he's in great hands." As if you had some terrible life here. You were loved by the whole entire family and you knew that. You were NEVER kicked out of our home once and you were only ever asked to do simple tasks around the house. You had it made. My sister and I shared our mother with you. You were always treated as her own blood son. You never went without, which clearly your now-fiancé from Tinder does not know.

We lived in the same house, ate the same food, loved the same mother. And so I thought it was safe to call you brother. Sometimes, well most of the time, you were moody and I accepted that. I thought that was just the way brothers were. But the brother that I knew, the brother that I grew up with, the brother I loved is gone. He's dead. And there's someone entirely new that is walking around in his shoes, using his name. Not someone who is pretending to be my brother, but someone who has replaced the brother that I loved.

It is not easy grieving someone who is still alive and walking on this earth.

I am not going to lie, I miss you. I miss our talks, I miss just hanging out and having someone around — hearing you up all night yelling at your video games, and other the small things.

When a significant other breaks your heart, it's painful. You'll cry for a while, you'll move on, and you'll realize you never needed them in the first place. When a sibling breaks your heart, that's a pain you'll never overcome. If you told me I would lose my brother, I would do everything in my power to stop it, but the reality is you can't.

I'm heartbroken, I'm disgusted by your actions, and I am confused.

In the end, you can lie and do whatever you want. You can choose to cut your entire family off and let yourself drown but this is not something I ever expected from you.

Every day I try to understand your reason behind all of this. I try to understand why you chose to be so selfish in every aspect. Why you built a relationship off of lies and left your family in the dark with unanswered questions. I sit and wonder if I would ever be able to trust you again if I will ever know you again. Sometimes I question if you've ever thought about all the hell that you've put our family through, or whether you have ever felt genuinely bad for what you did.

The truth is, I want to hate you.

I want to never speak to you again and feel completely fine about that decision but that isn't reality. I spend every day worrying and trying to find some logical reason for your actions. There is a part of me that wants to be angry and there is a part of me that wants to be sad. But there is a voice in my head telling me that God has a plan that is greater than the one at hand. I have tried to find closure, and I have not been able to these last few months.

So, this is my closure. I want you to know I forgive you. I forgive the person you were because I know you won't be him one day. But the person you were hurt a lot of people. Sometimes, the things that hurt you the most can teach you the best lessons in life. Thank you for these lessons. Every pain is a different beginning, so I am hopeful the future is bright. The only way for me to get over this is to deal with it. Write it out. And release it. Release you. So with that being said, I wish you all the best in what this life may have to offer you perhaps our paths will align sometime in the future.

Until then, take care. I love you, buddy.