They told me not to get back with you. They’d roll their eyes and call me an idiot. “It didn’t work out the first time,” they’d say, “So what makes you think it will work out now?”
I didn’t listen to a damn word they said.
I just laughed and ignored every ounce of wisdom they were pouring at me. I ran back to you again, more blind than I was the first time around. I convinced myself that everything happens for a reason and that we would work out, we just weren’t in the right stage of our life when we first got together. I put in more effort than I’ve ever given in a relationship. I’d motivate you to start looking for a job, I’d help you buy things, I’d give you constant reassurance and support. I wanted things to work out with us so badly I can’t even explain it. You’re the only person I’ve ever really loved. I watch person after person fall deeply in love and get married at my age and I thought you were the one, my happily ever after, my soul mate. That’s why life pulled us back together, right?! Wrong.
I can’t even begin to describe how broken you left me. I cried until I physically could not shed another tear. I couldn’t grasp what had just happened – everything had been fine, right?!
Wrong again.
Because you couldn’t fall in love with me again when you never even loved me to begin with. It took me nearly a year to realize this, but it’s true. You never loved me. I should’ve seen the red flags when you said those three words just a few hours after meeting me. “I love you” had no meaning to you and unfortunately, I never gave it meaning. I think that’s what breaks me the most – I loved you with every ounce of my being, and you didn’t love me at all. Sad, isn’t it?
Despite the bullshit you’ve put me through, I’m going to be okay. I’m a strong, intelligent, independent young woman with the desire to shatter glass ceilings – and that’s what I’m exactly going to be. You may have broken me to the point beyond belief, but this isn’t going to be the end of my life. This is a new chapter, one without your name and drunken kisses spilled all throughout it. This is the chapter where I find myself. This is the chapter where I take the strength I know I have and use it to repair my heart and give love to those who actually deserve it.
Good luck out there. Love is a dangerous game and karma is real. I hope that you never feel the pain that you’ve put me through, but part of me knows that what goes around will come back around. I can only hope that the pain you feel will help build you into a better person like it is helping me.
-The girl you never loved.
