An Open Letter To My Abuser
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Abuser

I will not forgive you.

An Open Letter To My Abuser
Dr. Susan Christiansen

Dear [insert name here],

Every time I try to write this, I have a ball of anxiety in my throat.

Ten years ago you moved into my house. It was the first time I was meeting you, and I had never heard of you before. I remember, we were all watching TV that night, and you slammed me into a door. You also put a pillow over my face. Now you said you were just playing, but I was in pain. I was terrified.

Now, since it has been ten years that you've been in my life, a lot of it is foggy. I remember lots of days of you yelling at my mom.

And once my sister was born, you were going to be a permanent fixture in my life, and I was so scared. You refused to change diapers, and when she cried, you would yell as loud as you could (spoiler: yelling just made her cry more). You manipulated her into being your servant, and she did not question it because we are supposed to "bow down" to our parents, right? Well, at four years old I started to notice something in my sister. She would cower in fear whenever anyone got upset or angry, and she would be quiet around you just to keep you happy.

You even started abusing your dog when she got older and would go to the bathroom inside, and as a result, your own dog started to hate you and all people that went near her. Now I am afraid of dogs because of the times that she attacked me.

When my little brother was born I was terrified. I became so close to him that I practically raised him. Whenever you yelled at him, he would cry and hide in my arms. My heart breaks knowing that your children are terrified of you.

You tell us that all of your abuse is just because you were in the army. You lie to us about your history, that sometimes I question if you are who you say you are.

When I stood up to you for treating my family poorly, you would yell at me and throw things at me, telling me how fat, ugly, and unlovable I was. I put my family's needs before my own and it got everyone hurt. But we would have been hurt either way.

You have taken ten years away from my family. You have robbed me of ten years of my life. Now I can't come home because I am afraid of you. When I'm home I have to hide in my room because I can't even look at you or be in the same room as you without having an anxiety attack or wanting to throw up.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD because of you, and it runs my life. Loud noises, sudden movements, angry people and especially men, all scare me and will cause anxiety that lasts for hours. I am afraid to upset people. I am trying to learn to love myself again. My relationships with people are now skewed because I am having trouble trusting people not to hurt my the way you did. I am not the same and I grieve for the woman I could have been.

You ruined my life. My family would be so much better off without you. No one in this family wants you here anyway. I would be better off without you.


A Survivor

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments