An Open Letter To My Abuser
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Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Abuser

I will not forgive you.

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An Open Letter To My Abuser
Dr. Susan Christiansen

Dear [insert name here],

Every time I try to write this, I have a ball of anxiety in my throat.

Ten years ago you moved into my house. It was the first time I was meeting you, and I had never heard of you before. I remember, we were all watching TV that night, and you slammed me into a door. You also put a pillow over my face. Now you said you were just playing, but I was in pain. I was terrified.

Now, since it has been ten years that you've been in my life, a lot of it is foggy. I remember lots of days of you yelling at my mom.

And once my sister was born, you were going to be a permanent fixture in my life, and I was so scared. You refused to change diapers, and when she cried, you would yell as loud as you could (spoiler: yelling just made her cry more). You manipulated her into being your servant, and she did not question it because we are supposed to "bow down" to our parents, right? Well, at four years old I started to notice something in my sister. She would cower in fear whenever anyone got upset or angry, and she would be quiet around you just to keep you happy.

You even started abusing your dog when she got older and would go to the bathroom inside, and as a result, your own dog started to hate you and all people that went near her. Now I am afraid of dogs because of the times that she attacked me.

When my little brother was born I was terrified. I became so close to him that I practically raised him. Whenever you yelled at him, he would cry and hide in my arms. My heart breaks knowing that your children are terrified of you.

You tell us that all of your abuse is just because you were in the army. You lie to us about your history, that sometimes I question if you are who you say you are.

When I stood up to you for treating my family poorly, you would yell at me and throw things at me, telling me how fat, ugly, and unlovable I was. I put my family's needs before my own and it got everyone hurt. But we would have been hurt either way.

You have taken ten years away from my family. You have robbed me of ten years of my life. Now I can't come home because I am afraid of you. When I'm home I have to hide in my room because I can't even look at you or be in the same room as you without having an anxiety attack or wanting to throw up.

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD because of you, and it runs my life. Loud noises, sudden movements, angry people and especially men, all scare me and will cause anxiety that lasts for hours. I am afraid to upset people. I am trying to learn to love myself again. My relationships with people are now skewed because I am having trouble trusting people not to hurt my the way you did. I am not the same and I grieve for the woman I could have been.

You ruined my life. My family would be so much better off without you. No one in this family wants you here anyway. I would be better off without you.

Sincerely,

A Survivor

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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