After many years of cold shoulders towards my father, I've come to realize that these same shoulders have been built stronger by the same person.
There have been many times when I hated you and even let you know about it but there hasn't been a time in my life when I have thought about replacing you with a man in this world.
You've never allowed me to suffer, fail or feel helpless.
At my lowest points, you've been the mountain that brings me to the top and I can't put a price on how valuable that has been to me. As much as we may think we're different, we're almost mirror images of one another and that's a compliment for you mostly.
The same way you carry yourself and how prideful you are about how hard you work, I try to translate that to my life the best I can. Not to impress you or get a pat on the back but to show my little brother what it looks like to be a real man.
A real man - something we all paint our own pictures of. Luckily, I have my very own painting of one living under the same roof as me and his name is Charles Barnes Sr.
On the many occasions of me disappointing you and falling short of your standards, I've pondered upon why are you so damn tough on me.
19 years in and I still don't know the real answer but I can tell you that the tough lessons made me a tougher person. There are things I've experienced that you still (and may never know) don't know that I've had to overcome and the first thing I did was ask myself one question:
"What would my Dad do?"
Yell & cuss is the easiest answer but what you do that stands out to me is you never show weakness and that's hard to do with 2 teenagers & a 22-year-old daughter.
In fact, I have told myself that when I have kids I won't parent like you did whatsoever.
But I'll be better and that's all you've ever done for me.
Making sure I was better.
Better than what you had, better than the other kids have and better than what I believed I was.
Through every silent car-ride, long phone call and tough times, I've only become more like you as days go by. As much as I hate hearing it, I love it.
My sister and my mom always hit me with that - "You sound just like your dad..."
And I deviously smirk behind the phone and think to myself:
My dad's the shit!
Whatever your childhood was like and whatever you've experienced as an adult has really made you a great individual that I have unconditional love and respect for.
I hope you're enjoying your special day with a cigar & a cold one, you deserve it, big guy.
Love,
Your biggest opponent but your biggest fan
Charles Jr.
