A Letter From A Busy-bee Herself

An Open Letter To The Busy Bee College Student

We all know that one person.


When I was in high school, I was that girl. I was a cheerleader, was involved in every club and had a part-time job. During certain weeks I had something every day and to this day I still don't know how I was able to do it all and stay sane.

There was one week my senior year where I had (and I'm not exaggerating) four different events and projects in one week. I had overloaded my schedule and stretched myself too thin.I had my first panic attack because I was so stressed about everything. However, once the week was over I was able to look back and be proud of how hard I worked in all those events and projects.

During the second semester of my freshman year of college, I started becoming that person again. I got more involved with my sorority, had a leadership position in a campus ministry and was in two other organizations. When I started getting more involved in organizations on campus it became the same type of thing. I was constantly running to and from places and found myself saying no to some events and yes to others.

I realized I was stuck in the same problem I got myself in to in high school — the problem of not being able to say no.

There was a time in high school when I ticked off one of my teachers. He told me that I had a bad problem of never saying no to things and it causes me to feel like the world is crashing down on me. Those words have always been in the back of my head when I find myself in sticky situations where I want to say no, but I end up saying yes.

Being in these situations has caused me to have a different perspective. I've learned that if there is a time that I am sacrificing quality over quantity, then I shouldn't do it. While you can find organizations that both fill you up and look good on a resume, sometimes you can sacrifice one for the other.

If someone is reading this and thinking "this girl is spitting some truth bombs, and I completely relate to her"...this is for you.

Stop saying yes to everything that is offered to you. If it sacrifices your mental health, don't do it. If you feel like you're only doing something for how it makes you look, stop doing it immediately.

Only do something if it makes you feel alive and whole.

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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7 Thoughts You Have As A Rising College Junior

Becoming an upperclassman was much more exciting in high school.


The rumors were true: that overused saying that adults told you when going to college, that it all goes by "way too fast", ended up being extremely accurate. If you're a rising college junior like me, then you know this feeling of confusion and denial we're all experiencing right now when it comes to realizing we're halfway through college. All 7 thoughts below are things I've pondered when it comes to reaching that dreaded halfway point.

1. You start to wonder if you're truly old now.


Your twenties have arrived, and with them comes the realization that you'll 1) graduate in two years, and 2) be thirty in ten years. You can't help but feel like it all goes downhill from here.

2. The fact that your life needs to start getting itself together terrifies you.


Internships, real jobs, relationships, money: somehow quite of bit of these categories have to be together before you go out into the real world, and that's scary. Maybe you should take that fifth year to sort things out.

3. Going out is getting more and more infrequent, and you're honestly fine with that.


Within two years, frat parties went from being the most exciting and fun events ever to being smelly, sweaty, and filled with freshmen. A wine night with your roommates may be more your speed now, and that's okay with you; leave the red solo cups for the freshies.

4. School is getting harder, but you're enjoying it more.


You're so grateful that you don't need to be taking general math, science, or English classes anymore. Now, classes are smaller and actually have to do with your major. They may be more challenging, but they're definitely more enjoyable.

5. You have a solid group of friends but you're constantly meeting new people.


The two years you've been in school have introduced you to some of your closest friends, but that doesn't mean that you're done making friends. Two more years are to come and new friends could come from anywhere.

6. You're shocked by how fast two years went by.


Seriously, you were just a freshman moving into your dorm five minutes ago, and now you're a junior? How do years move that fast?

7. Because of that, you appreciate every moment even more than you did before.


There is nothing like college: living minutes away from your friends, going out on a Monday night, and feeling carefree. Being halfway through this unique experience makes you appreciate the years you've had and the years to come.

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