I thought 2017 was rough. Last year, I hit the lowest I've ever been when dealing with my mental health and depression. As hard as it was to regain control of myself and my thoughts, it's much harder to bring yourself back when the rest of the people around you are just as broken.
2018 has been a difficult year, to say the least. My mental health was getting better, but there's only so much you can do when you are watching someone you love pass slowly before your eyes.
I've lost two grandfathers, the first deaths I've really had to emotionally deal with involving family. One died from cancer in March; his decline was fast, but it made the holidays last year so special and something I'll never forget. The other death happened unexpectedly in September, which brought on a whole new type of grieving.
I've learned you don't grieve for everyone the same way, and it's a sad and frustrating time. My dad started out his year with two broken feet, which led me to step into his spot and drive my brothers to and from school every day. I appreciated my parents so much more after that, to be honest.
I've learned and matured this year so much more than I was expecting. I felt emotions I hope I never have to feel again anytime soon. But I'll take these times and remember that I can feel okay again, even when I think I never will.
It wasn't all bad. We celebrated my aunt and uncle's beautiful wedding in June and I had the honor of being a bridesmaid. My mom bought a new house that we can finally call our home.
But during the holidays, you always notice the one empty seat, the house you'll never visit again, and the traditions that will never continue. It's sad to think about, but I'm glad I have those memories and we hold onto to them much stronger now. You never know what's in store for you in the future, so please don't take anyone or anything for granted.
One thing I do is write down memories that make me happy to remember and realize that more good things happen than I tend to focus on. As much as miss my grandfathers, I know I must hold my head high and move on into the world.
Thank you for all that have been there for me during the tough times, I hope you're there for the greater ones as well.
