Last week, I woke up at 6am and drove to the same Wawa I always get my morning iced coffee from. (Tip: Two inches of Hazelnut creamer and one packet of sugar in a 20oz cup will change your life, and if you're so unfortunate as to not live where Wawa's do, I feel bad for you. Sheetz is pretty good, I'll give you that. But still there is no comparison.) As I made my way over to the line, I saw an older, salt-and-peppered, stereotypically conservative-looking man checking out.
Yes, everyone makes prejudgements based on appearances. Although we can sit around and preach on social media platforms and to others' faces that to practice prejudice and employ stereotypes is one of the Devil's Ten Commandments, we are all guilty in some way, shape, or form of subconsciously doing this on a daily basis. Every time we see someone, even if they are no different from ourselves we make assumptions about their character and lifestyle from what we can visually perceive at first impression. It is wrong for an individual to pompously claim that they do not have the tendency to make judgments or form preconceived notions about other individuals because it's impossible. However, the real growth and movement away from prejudice is to recognize that, yes, we all stereotype, and in that recognition make the conscious decision to refuse to allow those initial thoughts affect the way we treat a person, and allow then whatever interactions we have from that point on either correct or confirm what we originally assumed.
Moving on: behind the man, and who I'd be stepping in line behind, was a trans woman* (dressed to the nines, I might add). The man finished checking out but remained blocking the counter in front of the register to continue his conversation with the cashier for a generously paced minute, until he realized that there were others waiting (admittedly impatiently, on my part at least) for him to put the wheels in motion so we could all get on with our day. He turned and looked at the trans woman next-in-line directly with what one might interpret as an intimidating countenance, but softened immediately and said, "Oh excuse me, ma'am... you prefer ma'am?" The intonation of his voice was kind and thoroughly polite, and it was physically evident that the trans woman, who was presumably used to a much different treatment, negative and/or hostile reactions from men who would be perceived as I originally perceived this man, was thrown off guard.
She seemed so genuinely grateful, and with the brightest smile on her face, she said, almost breath-taken, "Yes, thank you." I felt the energy this woman was originally emitting totally exhale with relief, as if the guarded bubble that developed from a pessimistic worldview she contained herself in just popped. I thought to myself, "Good morning humanity, I'm proud of you today," and couldn't help but smile myself. I left Wawa that morning feeling positive and had some hope that the world isn't all bad.
The majority of people my age, in their twenties, that I've personally experienced in my meager geographical range, seem to be quite accepting of letting people live: allowing people to express their gender, sexuality, religion, and other lifestyle preferences as they please without condemnation. The familiar motto among these twenty-somethings goes something like, "why should I care how others choose to live their lives? I do what makes me happy, so should they." Unfortunately, not everyone thinks this way; it is more often that I witness the opposite of the aforementioned Wawa experience, and especially more often with people who are older than myself (thirty and upward).
That morning was special not only because it was seemingly out of the ordinary compared to the types of interactions I'm used to seeing, but because this man made the sincere effort to politely ask what the trans woman's preference was, and didn't allow those stereotypes affect his treatment of her on an individual level. Now I stop and think, if my day, a total outsider, merely witness, was made better and a flicker of hope sparked in my heart because of this interaction, just imagine how the trans woman felt. She probably got in her car feeling softened and hopeful as well, to an even larger degree than I did.
If we want the world to be a better place, it is important that we make every effort to make others feel good and employ acceptance. That man was not crippled by giving this trans woman respect; he didn't spontaneously combust; he didn't lose anything and maybe he didn't gain anything either. But he did give everyone around him positivity. It's a week later, and this man whose name I don't know and who I'll probably never see again (unless he's a regular at Store #990), I'm still thinking about, and the trans woman probably still is, too.
I hope I live to see the day when this type of thing, giving respect to those who struggle with fitting into a "conventional" lifestyle (which is totally arbitrary and culturally-constructed), isn't out of the ordinary, isn't exceptional, and isn't impressive, but the norm. And although I feel that as a species (and especially as a country), we're late bloomers in acceptance, I'm glad to see people are still attempting to plant the seeds.
*A woman who was assigned male at birth.
