I’m not sure how to feel at the current moment. I keep seeing it, reading it, finding it but I can’t believe and I cannot accept it, even though I have to. I am so heartbroken and shaken to see that Chester Bennington, an artist who has helped me through the darkest points in my life, is no longer with us.

I have never been so personally affected by a celebrity death like I am with Chester. Chester was an inspiration to millions, his voice, his passion, and his personality have carried the people from my generation through the toughest of battles. His lyrics and his messages deeply connected with people who were in their own bad places, just like me. He was a hero to us. So many people have posted that he stopped them from taking their own lives-- only for him to take his own life after losing the inner battles he was constantly fighting.

Thank you for helping to save our lives, I'm sorry we did not save yours. RIP #ChesterBennington @linkinpark pic.twitter.com/L91YQn9y1c
— Sabrina Uchoa (@UmaOutraSabrina) July">https://twitter.com/UmaOutraSabrina/status/8884088... 21, 2017


thank you for everything. i'm devastated. rest easy chester. #linkinpark #chesterbennington #RIPChester pic.twitter.com/zIHHSInnWE
— jus (@justine_redman) July">https://twitter.com/justine_redman/status/88840059... 21, 2017


#RIP #ChesterBennington One of our biggest musical influences growing up. Thanks for all the music & the inspiration #RIPChester #LinkinPark pic.twitter.com/H7GjNxiL2m
— Haster (@HASTERband) July">https://twitter.com/HASTERband/status/888378978498... 21, 2017

Mental illness is a serious problem and it is not something to be taken lightly. Mental illness causes people to do so many things to themselves and sometimes to others: it causes so much turmoil within an individual. You can either conquer and prevail in battle or lose and fall in battle, that’s why it’s called an inner war. Depression causes all kind of pain inside the heart, the soul, and the body. Chester unfortunately lost his inner war and he fell. It may seem selfish that he’d leave his family, his fans and his band brothers but in reality-- sometimes you just can’t think of that or sometimes your depression makes you feel like your loved ones couldn’t care less. You feel alone and trapped-- almost like you’re suffocating. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like.

That’s not to say my personal experiences were anything like Chester’s, I doubt they were, honestly, but I still know the pain. When I experienced my own battle I felt like I was drowning or just falling forever, never to resurface again. I’ve never tried to take my own life but I know at some of my lowest points I may have had a single thought. Every time I would get in a mood like that, I would put on music-- specifically Linkin Park and by association: Chester’s voice.

Linkin Park’s music has always been one of the best outlets to help me cope with my emotions. When I was sad and alone, I found comfort in their deep and meaningful lyrics and stories, when I was angry or frustrated, I took solace in their high energy instruments and sound and when I was calm and content, I could enjoy the passion in Chester’s voice. I felt a personal connection to the band and Chester because we’ve all been in those shoes. Sometimes you just have a really bad day and sometimes you have a really good day but when you’re at your worst, you just want to scream!

“I’m one step closer to the edge and I’m about to break!” --Linkin Park: One Step Closer

Humans are emotionally complex beings, we need the support from others to deal with our wide array of emotions because we are social beings as well. Without someone to help, it’s easy to feel alone and lost in the world. That’s what depression causes so many different people to feel all the time and why it can lead to suicide.

“I wanna run away and never say goodbye!” --Linkin Park: Runaway

Chester Bennington was a deeply troubled person with a traumatic past. He was sexually abused, he became addicted to every drug you can think of, and he became a heavy drinker at one point in his life. While all of these things numb the pain, they cannot get rid of it. When he kicked his bad habits, he had to try and cope with his troubled past and unfortunately he could not, no matter what happiness he may have appeared to have.

I and countless others are going to miss him. He touched so many lives with his talent and his personality, he was truly unique and will be irreplaceable. I have no doubt that his lessons and legacy will live on. He was humble, he was kind, he was thankful and he was charitable. He gave so much and he was incredibly respected. I am overcome by sadness that I will never get the chance to experience his talent and inspirational energy in person again but I am grateful for the chances I did get to see him, I even got to shake hands with him at one point! I have incredible memories of Chester and his time with Linkin Park and I wish more than anything we could change reality or that I could wake up from this terrible nightmare. He will live on in memory and through his legacy forever.

Rest In Peace Chester, thank for all your contributions and for being such an inspiration to all of us. I hope you have finally found the peace you were searching for.

If you ever feel you are in danger of harming yourself please call: 1-800-273-8255
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

If you have mental health concerns call: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-HelpLine