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S o c i a l M e d i a.

It destroys us.

We are constantly reminded that someone out there is better than us. Has more than us. Is more beautiful than us. So we get sucked into the same stigma, posting more and more about how 'perfect' our life is. We live in a world where those with real problems are seen as weak, depression is categorized as a disease, and insecurity is something to mock.

So we stuff it.

We push down our emotions till we're numb to who we are, or once were. We're zombies, living in a technological fantasy where the internet world believes we can do no wrong, and that we're perfect. We use apps to gain more followers, to shape and smooth our bodies to the way we wish they looked, and deceivingly happy captions to broadcast our lives. And when life feels like hell, we paint our faces with expensive makeup, burn our hair straight, and fake a smile, to post a selfie, so that we can hopefully get more likes than we did yesterday. Because society says that should make you feel better, right?

Most often, it doesn't.

So that's when we desperately fumble through our contacts to find someone we think might care about us enough to hear our problems and type out a paragraph about what's bothering us.

"I'm so sorry!"

The common phrase right? How many times have you told someone about something you're going through, or emotions you're feeling, and their immediate response is 'I'm so sorry' or 'Don't give up, just be positive about it' or "See the good in this, you're being negative"

Almost every single time, right?

But does it make you feel any better?

No.

It usually makes you feel worse for complaining about it.

These phrases have been defined as 'toxic positivity'. Weird to see those words together, I know. Defined, it talks about ignorant positivity, where the problem itself is ignored, and the solution is to 'just get over it'. A lot of times, our problems are so big, a 'just get over it' solution is like a slap to the face. But we live in a generation and society where perfection is required for success.

I'm here to tell you, it's okay to admit you're not okay. It's okay to feel the way you do.

There are days in my memories where I felt higher than life, invincible like everything was amazing. There are days in my memories where I thought life couldn't get any more desolate and difficult. I thought I had to stuff my emotions inside, and I did.

I had a friend who told me he refused to apologize to people for situations that didn't concern him. Confused, I asked him to explain what he meant. He said, "We always say I'm sorry for things that we didn't do, like for example, when you have a bad day, and someone says I'm sorry but didn't do anything to cause your bad day, their apology is ineffective. Instead, I try to provide encouragement, or an open ear, to hear out what happened." This conversation opened my eyes to see how numb I had been to listening to others and their issues. Instead of being there for others, I just offered an apology, or a quick "You'll get through this!".

But now, I've learned the importance of listening. Of just simply being there for another person. Just showing them you're there. It makes a huge difference.

Back at the beginning of the semester, my car was towed because my parking time expired and I hadn't realized it. I was supposed to attend a meeting later that evening but had such a crappy day, I told my organization I couldn't be there. I remember crying in my bed that afternoon because I was so upset about everything that had taken place in the day. I went to bed early to sleep off the anger and sadness. I woke up the next morning and walked down the stairs to a magazine, flowers, and a pint of ice cream from a friend of mine. After I had gone to bed, she had stopped by to make sure I was okay. It's friends, and moments like these, that I hope to model myself after.

Instead of telling me, "It's just a tow, you're gonna be fine," she wanted to be there for me.

Stop letting social media dictate your perfect life. Life isn't perfect. Life is messy. Everyone's life is messy, whether you let them in, or not. So instead of pushing your emotions down, let them out, to the right people. If they're a real friend, they'll listen to you, and help you. And when someone comes to you, don't just apologize. Hear them out. Call them up. Be there for them. You'll never know when you need to return the favor.

Always,
HMS