An Open Letter To Raisins: Stay Out Of Our Cookies

An Open Letter To Raisins: Stay Out Of Our Cookies

This has gone on for far too long.

An Open Letter To Raisins: Stay Out Of Our Cookies
Wikimedia Commons

To the raisins this may concern:

Who do you think you are?

What gives you the right to galavant about like you’re on the same level as chocolate chips? How arrogant do you have to be to think you can occupy the same space they do? If you were M&M’s, I might let it slide, but you don’t have a single ounce of chocolatey goodness anywhere on you. You’re just a sad, shriveled, chewy husk of a grape that has no business being anywhere.

Where did this big ego come from, huh? Is it because they pass around boxes of you at Halloween time? News flash: Nobody likes getting raisins on Halloween! You know what people like to get? Candy! Sweet, delicious candy that doesn’t taste like someone pickled a Twizzler and then left it outside for a week. You’re the thing that kids throw away or give to their parents. When houses have you they gain a reputation for it and then no one even bothers coming by. You’re an absolute joke, you saggy little gumdrop wannabes.

What’s that? Are you a healthier option than most other alternatives? Get out of here with that baloney! People don’t eat cookies because they’re trying to eat healthily! People eat cookies because they taste good!

If someone was going to go through the effort of making “healthy” cookies with raisins, they may as well just eat the raisins themselves, like nature intended. Trying to call an oatmeal raisin cookie healthy is as ridiculous as calling some sort of tuber-mayonnaise disaster a potato salad. It’s not good for you just because you say it is. That’s not how it works.

How much longer can you keep this up, raisins? How many more times do you have to be passed up in the bakery section before you realize that you’ll never win? Whenever someone sets out an assorted platter of cookies, no one voluntarily reaches for the oatmeal raisin.

More often than not, people will mistake you for a chocolate chip, then be disappointed when they find out who you really are.

“Aw, it’s an oatmeal raisin? Darn, I figured it would be something edible, but I guess I was wrong…”

You’re not wanted until all the better options have already been taken, even then people are reluctant to associate with you. You sit there, sad and alone until someone begrudgingly takes you home to sit on their counter until you go hard and stale. They say, “Why couldn’t there be any sugar cookies or double chocolate cookies left? All they had were these disgusting excuses for desserts. I would rather eat dirt…”

You will never be anyone’s first choice, raisins. Just accept it already.

Maybe you should just cut yourself off from society altogether. Hop into a box of Raisin Bran and fade out of the public eye. You would sit in the cereal aisle of the grocery store at the very back of the shelf, unseen and unbothered for years to come. Even when there’s a giant sale, barely a dent will be made in the wall of boxes in front of you. It would be the best case scenario for everyone. Trust me.


An Enemy of Raisins Everywhere

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

We have all been there. Mindlessly scrolling through social media and then we see that post. We see someone we once saw a future with creating it with someone else. However this time it was really different. A lot of times when we say we are happy for someone we don't really mean it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Samuel Branch on Unsplash

Affirmations affirm beliefs that we are in need of strengthening. They help up to focus on goals that we are striving for or on a powerful part of ourselves that we need a little reminder is within us.

They specifically focus on positive outcomes or belief systems that we're working to solidify, rather than solely focusing action on eradicating something "bad" or "wrong" from your life.

Keep Reading... Show less

About a year ago, I began my own fitness journey. Growing up, I had played soccer and kept busy, but after an injury cut my soccer career short I suddenly became very inactive. It took years of misfires before I finally found a new active passion for weight lifting. Getting started is never easy, and setting up for success is the best plan of action to assist anyone in your life who is thinking about starting their own journey. These are a few items you can gift for the fitness rookie in your life:

Keep Reading... Show less

Nordstrom's Biggest Sale Has The Most Legendary Deals On Luxury Beauty Brands We've Ever Seen

Counting down the days to the Chanel box set gracing my front door.

I oftentimes (excessively) use the excuse of my job as a writer to justify my excessive spending habits.

I needed the new Huda Beauty palette before anyone else in the name of journalistic integrity. It was my job to test out the new Francis Kurkdjian fragrance to make sure I could tell people whether or not it was truly worth the splurge (it was).

Keep Reading... Show less

Some people are so good at downplaying their sadness that even they don't realize how much they do it. When you ask them how they are they will always say that they are good, even when they aren't. They exhaust themselves by plastering an energetic and carefree persona in the spaces that you watch them in because at least to you they can control how they appear. They can pretend to be the happy person they want to be when everyone is telling them how funny and bubbly they are all the time.

Keep Reading... Show less

Mental health is not an easy endeavor. It's not a fad. It's not a bandwagon that you can hop on and off of whenever you want to. Your yearly dose of sadness is not depression. I'm not here to define what depression — or anxiety, or any other type of mental health issue looks like — but I will tell you what it's not.

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Sonnie Hiles on Unsplash

Whether it's dealing with a global pandemic or getting fired from your job, the fear of not knowing can become consuming if it isn't controlled. Below are some easy ways to take back control and establish a peace of mind.

Keep Reading... Show less

My South Asian Roots Inspire My Future Career As Both A Scientist And Journalist — Here's How

Being born to culturally diverse parents, I feel like I have the best of both worlds!

Erikka Chowdhury

To all of those who don't know me, I'm an American girl with South Asian parents who have carved their own niche as immigrants in the USA.

Keep Reading... Show less

The beaches are starting to open up. At least in Cape Cod, where my family and I were able to vacation this week. Near our house, we have a bit of a private beach, which is great.

Keep Reading... Show less

I sometimes look back at the days when I had anorexia and think to myself what would have happened if I had taken another bite? Nowadays, I spend days dreading over my figure and wondering if the old sundresses and outfits even fit. I tell myself that they do, but I feel like reality holds a different truth.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments