Where do you even start? Where do you start with the healing process? The healing has to begin when you realize that the person you thought would never leave your side, disappeared out of no where. The person who said they'd never leave? Left. You have to learn to live with their absence.
How is he fine? You're breaking. You know you loved him when it doesn't just hurt at night, the hurt is constant. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cross your mind. You can't live life the way you used to because too many things remind you of him. He made a permanent mark on your life. What used to be a positive thing, now makes you cringe everytime you come acrost it. Everytime your mind takes you back to that memory, it gets harder for you to move on. You so badly want to be happy again, but you want that happiness to be through him. You're awaiting a text, a call, or to run into him at the grocery store. The harsh reality is that if he missed you, he would call. If he really wanted to fix things, he would shoot you a text. But the truth is, you're still awaiting the interaction that will never come. You're waiting for the explanation that doesn't exist. You're expecting the apology that isn't coming. He doesn't care. You loved him with all that you had and he threw you away. He made you feel like you weren't good enough. You're still struggling to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are in fact good enough. He ruined someone who loved him. He destroyed a girl that put all of her faith in him and let her guard down. He is the one that lost something special, not you. He doesn't deserve you.
You remember every little detail. You remember the drives, the laughs, and the long hugs. You recall the way your hands fit together. Remembering the late nights that turned into early mornings talking on the phone. Trying to forget all the little details that became so fond to you. He wasn't only your lover, he was your best friend too. He was an all-in-one package. You went to him with every little problem or every little accomplishment. How do you keep moving forward when you lost the person that made you a better person? He didn't realize the impact he had on you, coming and leaving. You still cry and that's okay. It still hurts, but you try to hide that. People may tell you that you are pathetic for not being able to move on. Don't ever apologize for giving your all to someone. He left you when you gave him everything you had.
You haven't deleted the pictures. You can't delete the texts. Because you still look through them every once in a while. It hurts you to let go of a guy you thought you knew. The sad part is that he isn't thinking of you while you lie awake at night. He isn't coming back. But oh, sweetie, if he does, I pray you have the power to turn him down. I pray you realize that you are worth more. You're still in the process of picking up the pieces. But once you have all the pieces, I hope you put them back differently this time.
It all ended so soon and that's what probably hits the hardest. It wasn't something that you saw coming. You weren't prepared to have your heart broken. You weren't ready for the person you leaned on the most to just get up and walk out of your life. You weren't expecting to go through it alone. You your friends just telling you to move on or setting you up with another guy. But the truth is, you can't move on. You're still stuck on that guy. It's not fair to play with someone else's heart in hopes of healing your own. You know you aren't over him yet and that's okay. Because when they ask you, "what happened?" it still hurts you to reply with, "I don't know." You're still wondering why he walked out of your life but some day it may turn out to be a blessing. So please, just hang in there.
