Dear Bella,
It's been eight weeks since I moved 2,561 miles away from my family. It's been eight weeks since I laid on the couch watching games and anime with them, eight weeks since I was running errands, driving and talking for hours with them, and eight weeks since I was able to be a genuine goofball and be made fun of by my favorite people. It's been eight weeks since I cuddled with my dog, jumped with her onto my bed, and watched her walk around in socks. It's been ten weeks since I saw my best friends. No longer are the days where we spontaneously go on adventures, trying new food, finding new places to explore, and driving around enjoying the beach and all of its views. It's been hard accepting this. It's been hard taking my life and moving it away from everything and everyone I've ever known. But yet, it's been one of the most fulfilling, satisfying, and rewarding experiences in my entire life.
It's a daunting feat learning to be independent and learning to be an adult. It's terrifying that I'm doing all of this away from my biggest support systems, but I chose this. I chose the drastic weather change, the many hours of crying, the long video chats for hours. I chose time differences and the hours of loneliness. I chose the nights of scrolling through Instagram and Google Photos wondering where the time went. How did I end up here? Am I in the right place?
It's intimidating and overwhelming, but I have never felt more proud of who I am and who I am becoming.
I'm sleep deprived and perpetually sick, but I'm happy. I'm doing well in the majority of my classes, and even though I'm failing one, I'm doing my best to fix it. I've made friends and met people from different backgrounds, places, and age groups. I've established a solid group of friends, who I am excited to talk to and hang out with.
I have never felt I could learn so much and embraced the concept of failure so much. I have asked so many new questions and learned so much about myself. I've looked for houses, pets, and thought about my future and I started to plan what I want to do with it. I'm asking for help more than ever now, and I'm no longer too prideful or too afraid to do so. I've found a church I'm happy to go to, where I hang out with people who remind me of home. I'm developing who I am as a person, and I acknowledge all of my mistakes and choose to learn from them. I'm learning what it's like to be responsible and independent without someone telling me what to do. I'm no longer just doing tasks for other people, but I'm doing the things I want because I want to and need to. I've always been super self-motivating, and while it feels like my responsibilities have tripled, I feel like I'm managing and finding my way really well. Have I had more than a few mental breakdowns? Yes. But was I really expecting anything less? No. Learning all of these things is hard, but I'm not the only one having a hard time. With all the progress I've made, I think I'm doing a great job.
Not just that, but for the first time in a really long time, I don't just feel self-sufficient, capable, and eager; I'm happy, excited, and hopeful. I'm terrified of what the future holds, but I'm so excited to approach it and do my best to make the most of my future and reach towards my aspirations, goals, and dreams.
Some days and some nights suck, but in the grand scheme of things, the bad days will never outweigh all the good days I've had. They will never outweigh all the good days I know are to come. I'm doing great, and I'm exactly where I need to be, even if that's seemingly the scariest place to be.
Sincerely,
Bella
