I am independent. I don't need anyone else. I have always been independent. I was forced to be independent. She's not very independent, bless her heart. That poor girl couldn't even bath herself if her man was not in the room.
Ever heard any of these phrases from a young lady next to you or a class project where someone had to stand up and explain why they act a specific way while also simultaneously patting themselves on the back for their extra independence from those around them? I'm with ya sister, I have heard it to. However I am also taking a proud stance against independence in saying that I AM NOT INDEPENDENT NOR DO I WANT TO BE. I am also not some dependent girl who cannot do anything for herself and walks around because I held the hand of another to get there.
To claim independence just because it sounds as though I don't need anybody and that makes me feel secure so that I am not going to be hurt again is to lie and pretend that I do not rely on my church community, friend group, fiance or family for anything. It is a lie to say that I have achieved my place in life due to all me and no God or Jesus or faith or discipleship and mentor-ship. Independence in my studies and academia is even false seeing as countless individuals in the teaching profession have believed in me, encouraged me and pushed me towards a higher education. Ladies, just because you are not dependent on your man for money, your mom for clothing advise or your dead beat daddy for love does not mean that you are by nature independent and "don't need anybody". (PS. My mom is stylish, she helped me choose my wedding dress. My fiance does financially provide at times and will in our marriage during various seasons. And my father is not a dead beat or absent dad.)
There is a term known as interdependence. Interdependence means that there is a mutual dependence among people. This means that yes, I do rely on my fiance for certain things that I could easily do myself, however he often chooses to serve me and I love it! There are other ways that I am able to serve him day to day like doing laundry or grocery shopping, in my opinion those things are a fun way to serve him. We tend to lean on each other at most moments in life, as do my best friend and maid of honor Braden and I. She and I have a wonderfully fun mutual relationship that serves the both of us. I would be lying to you if I were to claim that I am totally dependent or indefinitely independent. Either of those would be less than par compared to the mutual relationships I have entered into with loved ones in my life. Goodness, even the Lord and I have an interdependent relationship! I rely on the Lord for guidance and grace and forgiveness as well as intimacy, but it is also my responsibility in the relationship to carry out his plan for my life and be obedient in all trials and tribulations.
Y'all, being reliant on another or being completely on your own is so much less beautiful than what interdependence provides among the trust and love of your relationships. We simply must move away from thinking that we have to protect ourselves, trust no-one or be isolated from all in a means to care for our own lives. We must also not be so totally leaning on another that when they leave we are left utterly vulnerable and broken. If you are reading this and thinking, "But I was abused. I was left hurt and alone. I trusted and it failed me miserably." Precious one, I am so sorry that at some point you experienced what was called love and was really only abuse and lies. I pray that the Lord can heal that wound in you and teach you to trust again, in the mean time please try to remember that holding back from love harms us, not others. The first step to restoring your ability to trust or rely is to take the chance and place your trust in someone (even if it is only a small task you are trusting them with). You can do it, and you can find a balance of interdependence in your life. You have the ability to stop discounting everyone who has contributed to your life and that you lean on so that you might call yourself independent from everyone; in the same manner that you do not have to feel a sense of losing your ability to breath every time someone walks out of the room to get a drink of water without promising you to return.
Here are some definitions so that you can compare the three words for yourself!
in·de·pend·ent
indəˈpendənt/Submit
adjective
1.
free from outside control; not depending on another's authority.
2.
not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence.
noun
1.
an independent person or body.
de·pend·ent
dəˈpendənt/
adjective
1.
contingent on or determined by.
2.
requiring someone or something for financial, emotional, or other support.
noun
1.
a person who relies on another, especially a family member, for financial support.
in·ter·de·pend·ent
ˌin(t)ərdəˈpendənt/
adjective
(of two or more people or things) dependent on each other.
Interdependence is mutual dependence between things. If you study biology, you'll discover that there is a great deal of interdependence between plants and animals. Inter- means "between," so interdependence is dependence between things. We often use interdependence to describe complex systems.
