Not Feeling "Sick Enough" For Help | The Odyssey Online
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Not Feeling "Sick Enough" For Help

it tears you up inside

jasmine31997
Feb 23, 2018
10
Not Feeling "Sick Enough" For Help

I have this problem and I've been dealing with it for years. I never feel as if I deserve any help because so many people have it worse than I do.

I can still do most things, I'm what you would call high functioning but it's still hard. I struggle every single day and sometimes I just wish that someone could see that.

I have an eating disorder and I'm not underweight, I'm actually considered overweight. I don't feel like I'm sick enough to start any form of treatment for this. Which is a dangerous way to think. I've convinced myself that I need to be small to actually be taken seriously so that's what I'm working toward. It's already led me to the ER but that still isn't enough for me. I don't actually see anything wrong with me so why would anyone else?

I've been told by many mental health professionals that I should receive treatment for this, but I don't believe them. I think that they tell everyone that. I fear so deeply that I won't be taken seriously, that I'll be judged and just laughed at. What if I meet other peers who are in the same program that I'm in and they judge me because I'm so much bigger than them? What will I do then? I can't even think about that.

I'm torn, I know that I need the treatment because my physical health is deteriorating but I'm too scared to actually start it. A part of me wants to stay this way until I can prove that I'm sick, a part of me wants to see how far I can go with it and to see how much weight I can lose. A part of me wants to keep the control that comes with all of this. But I also want to be happy and I want to be healthy.

I'm not sure if anyone has experienced this at all, but if you have I would love to hear from you

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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