Let me preface by saying this: I'm from a very small town.
Now, small towns do have their perks, but they also have a few drawbacks. When looking at colleges my junior year, I tried to find a school that would provide me more options than my small town high school. Small high schools really don't provide a lot of unique options for learning, so options were my top priority. And I found that. I remember the feeling I had when I decided on NIU: peace, relief, happiness, excitement, and fear. How beautiful was it that I found a new home with opportunity? But, how terrifying that I have to leave my small-town safety net.
In my heart and as time passed, I knew that I needed to leave; Senior year FLEW by. I was busy 24/7 and rarely had time to pick up on the Fortnite craze or watch the latest YouTube videos; however, I was fine with that. It never really hit me (like a shit ton of bricks) that adulthood was hitting, straight-on, and that college was the next step. I enjoyed my summer 2k18 (sorry, I had to) in my small town bubble—swimming, fishing, traveling, and eating far too many hamburgers and hot dogs. I bought things for college and went to orientation, but reality still didn't hit. I wasn't getting nervous, freaking out or rushing to hang out with my friends. I will say, I did move in much later than most, so maybe that had something to do with it; I highly doubt that though. As move-in day drew closer, packing became of the essence. This is when "reality" really started setting in. Watching my room empty got me excited, yet fearful of what was to come. I'll admit, I cried several times (mainly to my dog) because I was scared — terrified even.
One thing I have learned from this experience is that the unknown is a frightening thing. Especially if you're from a small town of 600. Even though I was scared, it still wasn't hitting me... until we went to walk out my front door the day of move-in. I tried my best to keep it together that day, but simply couldn't. I broke down: I didn't want to leave my home of 17 years. What about my dog? What about my sister? So many things hit me all at once; I was not prepared. My parents tried their best to hold it together; I thank them for that. Eventually, I got myself together and then real reality set in: My life was about to begin! As my mom says, "The world is your oyster."
After moving in, I could already feel the confidence, excitement, and change. I have yet to cry myself to sleep (over missing my family), to want to go home or to want to see my friends (sorry guys). While this may not sound good, it's a good thing for me. It's showing me that I can move on, be independent and build a new life on top of the one I have. This was something I feared would not happen. I was scared I was going to want to run back to that small town. I was fearful that I wouldn't move on, but I did. And that, is HUGE. Not only did I move on, but I've found my happiest state. I am free from the small-town cookie mold and chains. I can truly be me. I've found people that love me for the beautiful, confident woman I am. And I love them for the same reasons. I've finally found freedom in my life that prior to college I had not known. In the past, I'd been told I would find this. My Mom did her best to remind me that I would find this, but I was still fearful I wouldn't.
I would walk the halls of my high school trying to remind myself that my life would not be defined by this— and it's not.
This is another thing I have come to realize in my first three weeks of college. My life has completely changed in a matter of weeks. It has gone from being uncertain of my future to certain. I have strong friendships powered by love and support, rather than jealousy. I have the freedom to choose what I want for myself in the moment, and over the course of time. All of this, has been built while at NIU.
Reflecting on my first few weeks of college gives me hope for what is still to come. There is still so much change to happen. There are so many experiences still to happen. It's exciting, yet frightening. I'm prepared, yet so not. I will fall and I'll get up. I will thrive and I will languish. But I will keep going because college is the best thing to happen to me yet.
