Dear Whoever is Reading,
I hope you are doing well. That isn't saying much because how well can you be right now? Just remember, it is the little victories that matter. Sometimes just getting out of bed is an accomplishment for the day.
I have now lost two grandparents, and, unfortunately, I know to expect many more losses from family and eventually friends. It's never easy. Even if you weren't the closest to the one you've lost, it is still hard to watch others that you love suffer from the pain.
I still remember the exact moment I found out about my Papa, almost 7 years ago, and my Grandmother, just a couple of weeks ago.
I was in 7th grade at the time. It was in May. One morning my parents woke me up. I knew something was wrong because they never came all the way upstairs to my room to wake me up, plus they had an extra coffee cup for me, filled with water of course. They brought me the tall green mug with Santa and snowflakes on it that they knew I liked. They both looked at me and with very emotionless expressions and just said, "I'm so sorry."
When I found out about my grandmother, I was just getting settled in at my friend's grandparent's house to spend the weekend there. I got a phone call from my dad and the first words out of his mouth were "something is wrong."
Hearing the strained post crying voices and seeing the motionless expressions of the ones around you is probably the hardest part of it all. Me personally, I tend to have a bad habit of containing my feelings and I over work myself to be available emotionally and physically for everyone I can be there for. No matter how strong I come across on the outside, I am just as broken as you on the inside, and I always end up breaking down.
The hardest parts were always the nights, when I was alone. I couldn't sleep without hearing their voices. I couldn't eat without thinking of my favorite meal with them. I couldn't go anywhere without thinking of all the memories that we had. I broke down every night for a solid week and a half at least after I found out about my Papa 7 years ago, and after I found out about my Grandmother just a couple of weeks ago.
It is always the hardest for those that are left behind. I like to remember a few things during times like these..
1. There is no right way to grieve.
2. They are no longer in pain.
3. They know you loved them and that you will never forget them.
4. They want you to make peace with what is and move forward to what will be.
5. You will find the peace you need in Jesus.
"Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
All of this may have seemed like rambling to you but just know at the end of the day whoever or whatever you are grieving about was amazing and you will never forget them; but know that life does go on no matter what. Lean into the Lord to find the peace and rest your body, soul, and mind so yearn for.
And just a message from me to you: I am here for you and I love you.
Stay Strong Kids.
Love,
Hannah P Barnett
