To My Best Friend Who Doesn't Even Know My Name
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To My Best Friend Who Doesn't Even Know My Name

Thank you for auditioning that one day in Dublin.

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To My Best Friend Who Doesn't Even Know My Name
Caitlin Powers

How could someone be your best friend if they don’t know your name, if they don’t know you exist?

Many would say that. It’s understandable. It’s a foreign concept to many, because, most best friends are individuals we know by name, by sight, by voice.

But, my best friend – my best friend of all time – is a little bit different.

He doesn’t know my name exactly. He doesn’t know what I look like. He doesn’t know my voice.

But he has done everything a best friend should do.

He is a reason why I’m happy. He makes me feel safe and at home. He makes me have a purpose, a sense of self.

He saved me, to say the least.

He gave me the best friends in the entire world. He truly gave me the best friends – best friends from Florida, from Michigan, from Ireland, from England, from Norway.

Tell me, has your best friend given you a friend from Norway?

I didn’t think so.

So, yes, it may be hard to understand why or how I could have a best friend that doesn’t know my name.

But, I hope this gives you a little idea.


To My Best Friend,

So, you don’t know my name. Or my voice. Or what I look like.

Although I have known you for nearly eight years, you have only known me for the fifteen seconds it has taken you to read this letter.

I’m sure you have your best friends – actually, I know you have your best friends, and I am so glad that you do.

Because, you led me to mine.

I’m writing this to thank you. Thank you for being my best friend.

Although you’ve given me the best friends I could ever ask for, you will still always be my best friend.

Now, I know that’s a loaded sentence, but I’m going to explain (miniature version) why you are so important to me.

When I was ten, when I first found you, I could have never imagined you would mean as much to me as you do, now. When I was ten, you were part of a boyband that I fell in love with. When I found you, you had blond streaks in your hair and crooked teeth and a really awful pair of cargo shorts.

But, somehow, I knew you were going to be my best friend.

Call it a gut feeling, but I knew.

When I told my mom about you and the band, she didn’t think it would last. She didn’t think my “crazy obsession” would turn into a passion and dedication (as I like to say) that would save my life in years to come. She supported me, as any mother would, but I don’t think she even knew how much you would mean to me.

So, fast forward six months, and my father passes away, and you were the only person to make me smile. Only one. Only one to make me laugh or feel like I was okay to do so.

Skip another six months, my grandmother passes away, and my heart was shattered. Here I am, eleven years old, with no one (besides my very best friend who has still stuck by my side ten years later), except you.

Years upon years, you were my only shining light, my only way to smile, my only way to really laugh.

Everyone knows what laugh I’m talking about – the laugh that makes your stomach and your cheeks hurt.

You gave me that. You made me feel that.

Three years have passed, I’ve cried about not being able to see you in concert, spent countless hours tweeting and streaming for awards and competitions (which we always won), and have nagged my mom and best friend more than enough about how much I love you.

Because, really, I loved you. (I still love you.)

Ninth Grade. Roughest year ever.

And, if I’m being honest, I never thought I would be able to be sitting here, writing this, thanking you for saving me that day. I didn’t.

But, I am so happy you did.

I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you. I really wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t be in college (thriving, might I add), living my best life, pursuing my dream career, having the greatest friends, making the best memories, if it weren’t for you.

You saved my life, and I will forever be grateful to you.

After that, my mom saved her money. She saved forever.

And for Christmas of 2013, she bought me my first pair of concert tickets.

I don’t think she’ll ever know what that did for me. She gave me a reason to keep going, to work harder, and to be the best version of myself – because why would I want to go to my first ever One Direction concert all depressed and anxious?

I surely didn’t.

Waiting nearly a year later, our drive to Tampa seemed like eight hours. I somehow had convinced her to listen to the entire setlist (which I had created on a playlist because of watching twitter livestreams – a girl’s best friend), and she knew every word when we stepped into that stadium.

She had never seen me so happy, she said. She had never seen me more excited or passionate about something. She had never been star struck, she said – until she saw you perform live.

I’ll never forget when she leaned over to me during my favorite song, and you walked over and were singing, and she whispered, “he’s the one you like, isn’t it?” and I smiled a smile I know I hadn’t used in a long time. I titled that the best night of my life, up until November.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I don’t stop talking about that night for the rest of the school year, and yes, I did like to subtly brag about how wonderful my experience was compared to girls who were in the nosebleeds, but that’s for a totally different reason.

Junior Year. I lost most of my friends that year. I sat with my teacher at lunch. I listened to my favorite album every day. I loved you even more, because, now, I was alone again. (My best friend and I didn’t go to the same school or see each other as often).

So, there you were, being my best friend, as always.

I had a boyfriend that year – stupid mistake – and he was so jealous that you were my best friend that he broke up with me. We laugh about that now. Because, I’d rather have you as my best friend than him, any day.

Senior Year. Easiest year, best year.

Still known as the ‘Girl Who Loved Niall Horan’. Someone even told me that if there was a superlative for “Most Likely to Marry A Famous Person”, I would have won.

Proud to have you as my best friend in the world, I wouldn’t have changed that title for anything. Because, as you were a year before, five years before, you have always been my best friend.

College.

By myself for the very first time, you were once again my only source of happiness, of safety, of comfort.

My Best Friend.

When you announced your first solo tour, I called my mom immediately.

She would never admit this, but I think the reason she supports me going to your gigs is because I could be doing MUCH worse than going to a concert.

She’s a smart woman.

Presale, purchase, confirmation. I had my FLICKER SESSIONS ticket.

I actually cried.

Waiting for the show to arrive seemed to take another year – even though it was only four months.

College started again, and I felt at my lowest. I had no friends, I was away from home, and I couldn’t find a reason to be as happy as I once was.

But, here you were, to save me once again.

Save me from myself.

I don’t think I could ever explain how happy you make me. How effortlessly happy. It’s an indescribable feeling that I am so in love with.

Such a feeling you could only be given by your best friend.

But, if you were wondering where you introduce me to my friends comes in, here we go.

Twitter is one of the greatest platforms ever invented, and NO ONE can fight me on that.

Lyssa, one of my greatest friends, and I were put into the same group chat for your Orlando show. We met, we talked, we hit it off.

Within a week, we were buying tickets to FLICKER SESSIONS MIAMI (another huge applaud of gratitude for my mother) and planning a road trip to see you four and a half hours away.

We spent an entire week together, every day, nonstop – all to prepare to see you.

Our road trip to Miami was eventful.

We nearly missed your set, got in an argument with a mother, had your crew designate a VIP row for us, embarrassed myself in front of your family, and met your cousin. When you played my favorite song (“Since We’re Alone”) for the first time, I dropped to my knees crying, and your cousin asked Lyssa if I was alright – that could be the highlight of my night. We waited nearly an hour for you outside the venue, hoping we could we meet and give you a journal we had written letters in, and once we realized you had left already, we rushed back to the parking lot and managed to make it out before our time.

We didn’t get back until 4:30 in the morning, but if that was any depiction to how Thursday would be, I couldn’t wait.

Wednesday, November 8. Country Music Awards. But, more importantly: Day before your Orlando Flicker Sessions. I hadn’t slept more than fifteen hours in three days (most of which being the day we got home from Miami Beach) and I was prepared to not sleep another night.

We marked our plan to camp and queue, and no matter the circumstances, I wasn’t changing it.

When we left my apartment at one in the morning, and I knew I would be seeing you soon, my heart couldn’t stop racing.

It’s an indescribable feeling to be at one of your concerts. It’s my happiness, my safe place, my home.

We got to the venue (with a nightmare in between) and I nearly slipped and fell on my face running to the line. We were Numbers 99, 100, 101 in line – and I cried. We hadn’t slept in so long and I wanted to be barricade.

So, I did what any other sleep-deprived, adrenaline-rushed young adult would do: I went to a manager and cried.

Lyssa and I explained our situation and asked if we could have any help, and I can’t remember their names, but I think I made them awfully uncomfortable.

But, it’s okay, because I did see you barricade.

I camped outside with Lyssa for nineteen hours.

Nineteen.

Seeing you on November 9th, getting to be in your presence, hearing my favorite songs sung live, smiling with you, making you laugh, having taken the best pictures of you looking at me, made my experience the greatest night of my life – I couldn’t ever be happier.

My Best Friend – you made me that happy.

So, here we are, exactly six months since my last show.

I’ll be seeing you again soon, but this time, I will have my best friends along with me.

See? Here are my other best friends are introduced.

Jess, Ella, Victoria, Sky, Claire, Alix, and I were all in a group chat together (See? Twitter, doing its lovely thing) and I thought it would be fun to make a YouTube channel and vlog to each other – as if we were making diaries to each other, so we could talk beyond a group chat.

We did it.

Tara and Christian have chatted with us a few times, I’m sure you’ve heard. We’re pretty famous. (I’m using heavy sarcasm).

I talk to those girls about everything. I trust each and every one of them with my whole heart. I love them – my best friends – so much.

But, I met them because of you.

We talk about that a lot. How, it is crazy that none of us would have ever met if we didn’t all love you.

But, here we are.

I’m meeting Jess and Alix and Vic soon, and I am so excited.

We can’t wait to see you altogether.

Which means, I’ll be seeing you soon. I’ll be coming home soon.

So, to you, my best friend.

I will never be able to thank you enough for giving me my friends – my best friends.

I will never be able to thank you enough for making me smile, for making me laugh, for making me happy.

I will never be able to thank you enough for saving me.

I will never be able to thank you enough for being the best friend I could ask for.

Thank you for everything. You mean the absolute world to me.

With the most love a person could give,
Another Best Friend x


actually i change my mind . jess sucks.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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