Beginning in 7th grade, I religiously kept journals until my junior year of high school. Though at that time I stopped writing every day, I continued to write every New Year's Eve. This gave me a place to reflect on my year. Often pages long, my yearly entries are filled with happiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, laughter and acceptance; but most fiercely, hope. Always hope. Hope for a new year that will bring me both joy and sorrow, but more importantly, new understanding about myself and the world I live in. At the cusp of 2017, after seven years of writing every December 31st, I found it only fitting to review all that I have written throughout the years. Among many words, here are some of my favorites:
December 31st, 2009 - 7th Grade
5:59 pm
“I can’t express how proud I am to be me. I’ve accomplished so much this year and I couldn’t be happier. I’m going to miss 2009 (I could cry about it!), but the amazing memories won’t leave when the new year rolls in. They’ll stay with me forever, especially because I have them written in here.”
December 31st, 2010 - 8th Grade
3:10 pm
"This year had been too amazing to describe in words. Last year I was so depressed about 2009 ending because it was 'so amazing,' but in reality 2010 ended up being much better. So this year I'm not going to be sad. I'm gong to kiss 2010 goodbye, hold on to the memories, then look ahead to 2011. I expect a lot from this year. Or maybe this year expects a lot from me?"
December 31st, 2011 - 9th Grade
7:14 pm
"How did a whole year go by so fast? I'll admit that this year, at times, I've hated myself. I won't lie about that. There are many days where I wish more than anything that I could be someone else. Someone who doesn't struggle so f*cking much with something as simple as staying calm. Nonetheless, I'm full of hope. Overall, this year has forced me to grow so much as a person. I know it sounds crazy to say this right now, with so much going on, but I really am happy."
December 31st, 2012 - 10th Grade
9:22 pm
"I'm elated that it's New Year's Eve once more. What a lovely world we live in- one that gives us endless chances to be who we want to be. I'm thankful I made it through last year because so many wonderful things have come my way since then. I'm looking forward to the new year, my heart filled with hope, as always."
December 31st, 2013 - 11th Grade
7:44 pm
"Another year has inevitably come and gone. I had such a good outlook last year, but right now I honestly just want to know what the f*ck I did to deserve all the sh*t people give me. I don't know what to say. Maybe next year won't utterly suck as much as this year did? Let's hope."
December 31st, 2014 - Senior Year
7:24 pm
"Last year I was in a pretty bad mood on New Year's Eve. At the end of 2013, I was pissed because nothing was going my way. Ironically, it was all that went wrong that lead me to where I am now. And I'm so goddamn happy. We learn from everything that happens to us, good and bad. Was this year completely amazing? No. Some parts utterly sucked, just like last year. But, some f*cking amazing things happened, too. This is what I failed to mention last New Year's Eve. A year is a long time, and frankly, a lot can go down. If you focus solely on the bad, then you'll never notice the good. That's a silly way to live."
December 31st, 2015 - College Freshman
7:28 pm
"This is going to be quick. I learned a lot about myself this year. I'm truly thankful for everything that has been thrown my way because it will make me into a better person eventually. I just have to work on processing all of it. I'm sure that will come with time. As I enter the new year, I'm going to work on knowing, always, no matter what terrible things are happening, what mistakes I've made and who has deserted me; that I will be okay in the end. That's my resolution. Just the one."
