"New year, new me!" Guess how many people are going to say that this week. Probably LITERALLY a million. It's a phrase everyone tosses into the air much like our celebratory confetti, black and gold, landing softly like the whisper of new beginnings on our floors and hearts.
But why do I have to be a new me? Why can't I just be me, but better? Why do I have to change altogether to fulfill a new year's resolution or two? Change is good. Change is beautiful and powerful and life-giving and I am so FOR it. But you don't have to lose yourself to better yourself. I would much rather be Haley Walker with improved health or a longer temper than a seemingly flawless woman who I don't even recognize.
You can and will improve without compromising your identity.
I'm not talking about bad habits, lazy tendencies, or hurtful memories. Cut. Those. Out. Let them go! Forget! Heal! Move the heck on! Instill discipline and positivity and carve out the darkness so more light can spill in. Allow those things to vanish into thin air so there's more room for goodness and sweetness and things that build you up. You actually can't change for the better at all if you don't make room for the better, so something's gotta give. Let these things disappear.
But your identity? KEEP THAT. Treasure it, ponder and dwell on it, think about what defines you because you are SO incredibly unique that there isn't a single person made up of the same intricate details and distinct motives as you. Remember what drives you because no one else has that same specific fire in their bones. Hold tight to what you love because no one else's soul is made up of the same romantic hues as yours. Pause in the morning when you rise and consider your sense of humor. There isn't another identical sense of humor like that. Just yours. So let that unique sense tickle your unique laugh and let it out! From the pit of your stomach send that belly laugh of yours right out into the atmosphere because you are the only person who can give others the satisfaction of hearing it. Reflect on your favorite song. Yes, someone else can have the same favorite song as you, but is it for the same reasons and feelings and dance parties as you? I highly doubt it.
Your favorite food, the way you talk to your little brother, how you can never say no to chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, your hand holding method, the crinkle in your eyes when you smile, whatever it is that you channel within yourself when you feel like you want to give up and then choose not to, the hardships that build you, and the love story only you get to live out. The blood sweat and tears that have built you are complex and convoluted and there is no one else BUT YOU living your life.
So keep these things. It is a new year, it is time to improve, but keep yourself. Put your health first but still say yes to chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Be more productive but still take time to pause in the morning. Be selfless but put the smile-crinkles of your eyes first. You can change and grow at an exponential rate but still be the you that everyone loves and wants you to be. WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT of fulfilling every checklist, resolution, and expectation when the person waiting for you at the end of it is an empty shell you don't even recognize? No one is perfect and no one can get EVERYTHING done and accomplished. But everyone can try to do just one thing. Piece by piece and choice by choice we can all refine ourselves without destroying ourselves.
Life isn't about performance or quintessence, it's about experience and presence. BE PRESENT. Enhance your life but keep the parts that make up you. Exist in the moment, not before or behind it. Take this new year day by day, minute by minute, second by second, because you'll never get them back. You can't relive them again. Be strict but forgive. Be diligent but show grace. Be unapologetically you. Renovate. Don't demolish. You can better your house without ridding yourself of the unique foundation that comprises you, sweet human.
