College...yay

Welcome To College

My thoughts on being a freshman in college.

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It is my thoughts on how I think college is going! Take a gander and read it!

College is nothing like Highschool

While I was in high school they told us they were prepping us as much as they could into the college life. Of course, I believed them, I mean I knew it would be different because it is not the exact same thing. Once in a while, I heard from people who are in college tell me high school doesn't really prepare you. I was confused because the teachers literally just told me they were trying. So I thought to myself, one of these answers is wrong.

Fast forward to staying my first night in the dorm. I was finished packing and went out with my parents. It was fun, my roommate and friend tagged along. Everything seemed to be going as I imagined. That was my first mistake, was planning how I expected college to go. I remember laying in bed and just planning how I wanted everything to go. The more I planned I realized that I started to miss home. For the first few days of Week of Welcome, I was extremely homesick.

The planning, I realized, was something that I did in high school. I'm not trying to say planning is bad; if someone (like me) plan out every little detail and it doesn't go they it was planned, it can ruin someone's mood. It ruined mine for a while. I also never asked for help, or I didn't always. Once classes started up, things started to make it feel normal. It helped more when I got back into the stress-love of theatre. I started meeting people. I stopped planning as much, I let things happen the way it was meant too. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that high school didn't prepare me at all. Some of the advice I got didn't fully help me. I had to figure it out on my own. What works best for me and I'm still figuring it out. I'm letting things happen the way they do and just go with the flow.

I have accepted that this is change and I can use past experiences to help me with college. I just can't use it to determine how things will happen now. I can't go into a mindset with there is nothing more I can learn or experience. Because in the end, it will just make college harder and not as fun. The main thing about college other than learning, is experiencing new things and people. To have fun before going into the adult world. College is the last step before we as people get shoved into the sea of bills and responsibilities. I can't wait for what college has for me. I'm going to dive in and keep an open mind because that is what it is all about.

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My Freckles Are Not A Beauty Trend For You To Appropriate And Immitate

Those with faces full of freckles can't wipe them off like you can after a photo shoot.

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While it is fun to use makeup to express yourself, one can argue unless you are in costume, it should be used to enhance your features, not create new ones. The trend of artificial freckles puts a nasty taste in my mouth reminiscent to the feeling I get when I see a Caucasian woman apply such dark foundation to her face that she appears to be donning blackface.

To someone who has a face full of freckles, it is offensive to see you paint on freckles as if they were not permanent features of other people's skin that they cannot remove with a makeup wipe. I remember asking my cousin at 5 years old if I could surgically remove my freckles and crying when she broke to me that I'd be stuck with what she called giraffe spots my whole life.

I'm not alone in feeling self-conscious about my freckles. The face is the fulcrum of the identity, and it can feel like my facial identity is like a haphazard splash of orange/brown debris. Another against the fake freckles movement retorts: "you'll soon regret them when people begin to describe you as a polka-dot-skinned troll or a cinnamon-toast-faced goblin. Also, when your eyebags start to sag in middle-age, that 'cute' skin art will probably deteriorate into something more closely resembling oblong blackheads. Sincerely, A Freckled Person"

One woman recalls her struggle with accepting the patterns of her skin from a very young age:

“When I was a young girl, I remember staring at myself in my bathroom mirror and imagining my face without the scattered brown dots that littered my face and body. I dreamed of having the small imperfections removed from my face and obtaining the smooth porcelain skin that I envied. I looked at my bare-faced friends in awe because they had what I wanted and would never know. For some odd reason, I had made myself believe that my freckles made me ugly."

I've come to appreciate the beauty of these sun kisses, and many nowadays have too. However, freckles haven't always been considered cute. There is a history of contempt toward red reader freckled people, just ask Anne Shirley! The dramatic young heroine laments: "Yes, it's red," she said resignedly. "Now you see why I can't be perfectly happy. Nobody could who had red hair. I don't mind the other things so much — the freckles and the green eyes and my skinniness. I can imagine them away. I can imagine that I have a beautiful rose-leaf complexion and lovely starry violet eyes. But I cannot imagine that red hair away. I do my best. I think to myself, "Now my hair is a glorious black, black as the raven's wing." But all the time I know it is just plain red, and it breaks my heart. It will be my lifelong sorrow." (Montgomery).

Historically, freckles on ones face have been seen as dirty or imperfect. It's easy to forget that Irish features such as red hair and freckles have been subject to hateful discrimination for centuries. In some places, the word ginger is even used as a slur.

I am not a red-headed stepchild for you to beat — or for you to appropriate.

My facial texture is not a toy for you to play with.

It is rude and inconsiderate to pock your face for a selfie while those with randomly splashed spots get someone once a week trying to rub off the "dirt speck" on their face.

Greg Stevens has a theory to why there is anti-red prejudice

“Skin tone is another one of those well-studied features that has been shown to consistently have an impact on people's assessment of physical beauty: Those with clear, evenly-colored skin are widely regarded as being more attractive than people with patchy, blotchy, or freckled skin.
Nowhere is this more obvious than when looking at professional photos of redheaded models and celebrities. Even those "hot redheads" that flaunt the redness of their hair usually are made-up on magazine covers to have almost unnaturally even skin tones. Moreover, there is a reasonable theory to explain why the bias against freckles might be more than just a cultural prejudice. Not to be too blunt about it, but freckles are cancer factories."

By that, the author means freckles can be early indicators of sun damage or skin cancer. This illusion that freckles indicate deficiency may also play in negative connotations toward a person with freckles

While I acknowledge the intention of people with clear skin who paint freckles on their face isn't to offend — rather it is to appreciate freckles as a beauty statement — the effect is still offensive. If you are thinking about trying this freckle fad, you should put down your fine tipped brush and consider what it would be like if you couldn't wipe away the spots.

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ESA in College

I'm so glad I have her in my life, but sometimes I wonder what it would be to be a normal person.

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You have a cat? What's her name, how old is she, where did you get her from, what's her backstory? Are you supposed to have a cat in your room? Is it messy with a cat? How does she live in a small college dorm room? How do you get an ESA? What's wrong with you? Can I get one too?

Whenever people find out I have an Emotional Support Animal (ESA) all I get is questions. Yes, I have a cat. Her name is Kalani, and she is 1. I went to the shelter asking for a specific cat only to find out he was adopted the day before. I asked them what cat would be a good ESA that could live in a dorm, and they directed me to Kalani. I only had to meet her once to know that she was the one. Kalani loves everyone and is always full of energy. She always knows when something is wrong and is always by your side. Since she's so young, she's super curious and her curiosity/stupidity makes me cry laughing almost everyday. We don't know her backstory and since it seems there's nothing/no one she's afraid of, I'm okay with not knowing.

Yes, I'm supposed to have a cat in my room. I have done the paperwork and it has been approved. You're allowed to have your prescription medicine in your room, it's the same thing. She is for my health. The messy question always trips me up. Food, litter, etc. there is no mess, but if you're talking about toys, yes there's always toys on the floor. She's little, she likes to play, and I have classes so I can't play with her every second of the day. She's perfectly fine in a dorm.

The questions that always hurt the most is people asking "What is wrong with you?" or "I want a cat, how do I get one?". I have mental illnesses, I need her. If I didn't have to have her here I probably wouldn't. Yes, a cat at college is nice, but YOU are responsible for her care. You can't just leave for the weekend without packing her up and taking her too. You have to be aware of where she is everytime you open that door. You have to put up with the endless questions. You have to put up with her standing on what you are working on (laptop, homework, food, etc.) and pushing things off the table. You have to put up with every annoying thing an animal does and give it all the attention in the world, even when you want to be left alone. Don't get me wrong, an animal at college is nice, it's one less thing you have to miss from home, but it's not as fun as it seems.

I need her more than anything. She's better than any medicine I've tried, any friend I've called during a breakdown, and any therapist I've been to. I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and social anxiety disorder. The collection of those things make life really hard, especially in a new place like college. An ESA makes it bearable, or at least it's bearable having something there to help with every breakdown. The nights when I'm sobbing for no reason, having panic attacks because of my past, overthinking about everything I wish I could change in my life, lonely, or having a bad day; she's there no matter what.

I'm so glad I have her in my life, but sometimes I wonder what it would be to be a normal person. To be able to out and have fun, not have to worry about an animal in my room,not be so scared someone will find out about Kalani and having to try to explain that I'm screwed up so much I have an ESA, and not be scared every roommate will leave me because they can't put up with either my moods or Kalani misbehaving.

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