A Timeline Of A Trip To A New Pizza Joint

Whether you are in a new town, your old joint has closed or a friend suggests a different place, at some point in your life, you have gone to a pizza place that was not your favorite. The outcome of these trips can go one of many ways. One could be very disappointed, one could be dumbfounded by the lack of options, or taken aback by too many options. One could leave saying “Well that was fine”. One might go directly to their favorite pizza maker in order to cover up the foul taste in their mouth. Rarely does one leave the restaurant changing their loyalties to a new pizza chef, but we continuously find ourselves in the pizza pickle and go through these steps every time we adventure to a new pie place.

1. Making Sense of the Situation: You have realized that you will not be eating your favorite pizza and remain optimistic about the possibly having an acceptable meal somewhere else. You tell yourself that it’s only once and that all sins can be forgiven, even by restaurant owners.

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2. Sleazeball Feelings Occur: Upon thinking of the loyalty you have to your favorite pizza chef, you attempt to hide yourself walking in and out of the new place to avoid any confrontations with known followers of the same restaurant.

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3. You Attempt to Order: The menu might as well be written in a foreign language. While some of the pizza’s sound familiar, the new place has thrown in adjectives that you are not accustomed to seeing. Is “zesty” sauce the same as “traditional” sauce? Is “flaky” crust the same as “classic light” crust? After going cross eyed for a bit and breaking out in a sweat, you finally just point to what looks like a fairly common pizza and show it to the waitress because you cannot seem to form words.

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4. Waiting and Second Guessing: The entire wait for the pizza is torturing. Maybe you should have just ordered what everyone else said was best, maybe you did order that maybe you just think you ordered that. You have guzzled down three glasses of water out of nerves and must take a trip to the bathroom to relieve your bladder and to calm yourself down. Again you are telling yourself this is only a one time trip and if you hate whatever pizza you ordered you can casually throw it under the table to give your dining partners the idea that you are enjoying the pie.

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5. You Have Spotted the Pie: The pizzas come flying out of the kitchen and you feel your heart racing out of your chest. When the pie is placed in front of you, you manage a smile as your friends look at you wide eyed.

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6. You Brave the First Bite: You feel the foreign pizza in your mouth, but you really cannot taste anything yet because your adrenaline has completely taken over. After two full pieces, you finally feel that you can breathe normally and you have some sort of an idea of what the pizza tastes like. You make your decision on the food and declare your conclusion to the group. From here you probably eat one or two more slices because its pizza and you really cannot say no to any sort of pizza.

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7. Guilt: As you pay for the pizza that is not “yours”, you feel a tad guilty for wasting your time, money and calories on mediocre pizza. In order to make up for your serious lack of judgement, you eat at your favorite pizza joint three times the next week.

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