We've all heard the age old saying "Blood is thicker than water," but do you know the real meaning? The actual phrase is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," basically saying that those who choose to love and accept you for who you are, are more important than those who happen to be related to you but disrespect and take you for granted. An idea I try to live by is, respect me and I'll respect you. This is all well and good until an older family member says, "You have to respect your elders!" or "You have to love them. They're your family." So what happens when a family member disrespects you or does something that you morally disagree with? The same thing that would happen if it were any other person. Just because someone is related to you, does not mean they deserve special treatment. You do not have to "respect your elders." You respect people who deserve your respect and only those people.
So then we run into the issue of a family member who continually does things that we disagree with. They say and do disgusting things that you would never agree with in a million years. They don't appreciate you. They don't respect you. They try to hide you and blame you for things. You're on a completely different moral standpoint from them. They're self-righteous. They're obnoxious and annoying. They're not compassionate or flexible or willing to compromise on anything. If they weren't your family, they'd be a person you didn't even like, let alone love. That's fine. Don't. Don't love them. You shouldn't feel obligated to! They're a person. You didn't choose to share DNA with them. It's okay to not love your family.
So many kids get stuck in a family where their feelings are constantly invalidated. That's not okay and it is not a healthy relationship to have. Then, there's a step further where a family member has been abusive, physically or mentally. There are people who abandon their family members or people who straight up do not care about their families. You don't have to love these people just because you're related to them. You don't have to love someone who makes you feel like less of a person just because they happen to be your family. There are so many things that you never have to do and loving someone should be on the top of that list. Loving someone requires so much vulnerability and respect and care. Why give that to someone who you wouldn't even talk to or be friends with in a different circumstance?
If you wake up every morning and one of your parents makes you feel like they don't even want you as a child, you don't have to love them. If at every family gathering your aunt or uncle berates you for your job, sexuality, friends, appearance, anything that invalidates you, you don't have to love them. These people probably have other people who will choose to love them no matter their morality, and above all, they don't deserve your love and you should never feel like your love is right to anyone. Your love is a privilege and you choose who you want to give it to. You should choose this based on people, their character and their morality — not their genetic makeup.
