Being Filipino-American Part 1: I Never Learned Tagalog, and I Regret It

As many of my friends know, I am a Filipino-American born and raised in New York City. Now being an American born Filipino means a lot of things. For one, it means that both of my parents migrated here from the Philippines, and met right here in NYC where they fell in love and made me. My mother came from Pangasinan, while my dad came from Manila. While my parents did have an amazing love story, it also means that they left behind many amazing parts of their own lives back in the Philippines. They did this to create better opportunities for me, and their families back home.

Growing up, my parents did not teach me Tagalog. They spoke to each other in Tagalog, but not to me. My little head was also wrapped up with American TV with shows like “Jerry Springer” and “Judge Judy”. Not that I understood any of it, but it shaped my accent, and how my brain came to form words. In fact, my Titas wondered if my mother had hired a nanny to raise me since I had such an American accent compared to my other cousins. I understood that older boys were to be called, “Kuya”, and an older girl, “Ate”. I understood that my uncles were “Tito”, and my aunts were “Tita”. I understood that leche flan and halo-halo were desserts that I adored, and lumpiang shanghai was a dish that I always asked my mother for when we attended family parties. I understood that when I pooped, I had to wash my “pwet” with a “tabo”. I understood that me misbehaving meant that I would get a “palo” with the belt. However, I did not know the language fluently.

!!!CLICK HERE!!! Hawak Kamay

Over the years, I have always showed interest in learning Tagalog. For my eleventh birthday, my mother bought me flashcards to try and teach me some basic words. I even took the liberty of using my allowance to buy Tagalog books that would translate basic phrases and teach me a very formal way of speaking Tagalog. I listened to songs that were in Tagalog, surrounded myself with Tagalog speaking Filipinx people, but I have yet to become fluent in speaking. However, I understand a lot more Tagalog now than I did when I was ten years old.

!!!CLICK HERE!!! BuzzFeed Philippines: Filipino Americans Try Speaking Filipino

One of the craziest things to me is how many people keep telling me that I am not Filipino at all. It stings every time someone says that to me since I grew up with a Filipino lifestyle. I was also recently in a BuzzFeed video called, “Filipino Americans Try Speaking Filipino”, and many people commented how much of a shame people like me were. I still hold pride towards my people, and I still make the effort to learn the language. I even sing songs that are in Tagalog. It is so hypocritical to be part of this culture sometimes since they will shame people like me, but praise celebrities that are even a small fraction of Filipino heritage, who probably did not grow up around the culture as much as I did.

Jose Rizal says that, “He who does not love his own language is worse than an animal and smelly fish”. The thing is, I do love my own language, and I would do anything to be fluent at it which I am continually trying to do. NYC even has a Philippine Independence Day Parade every year that I march in with my high school’s Filipino Club (I was even their president in my senior year). So, why am I less of a Filipino, just because I do not speak Tagalog? Why are my experiences as a Filipino-American invalidated just because of where I was born? At the end of the day, I still have the same blood ancestors that struggled hundreds of years of oppression due to being Filipino. I still share the same history as someone born in the Philippines. I am still Filipino, and no one is allowed to take that identity from me.