9 months ago I never knew this arrogant asshole of a guy from the Navy would actually have an impact in my life. I never thought this navy asshole like you would ever truly mean anything to me. The day you started working with me I thought you were the biggest douchebag in this state. I had an underlying hate for you for no apparent reason.. You were just cocky and self centered. Over summer, we did a moving job together and you put your nasty sweat all over me, so I hated you even more then. In August that wild hurricane came and I got to boss you around all day, and it was glorious. You sent me a message on Instagram and we hit it off immediately. A couple of days later we went on our first date. I still remember the smell of your cologne that you sprayed way too much on your polo. As the weeks progressed, we became inseparable. You became my best friend, my rock, my right hand. We laughed together constantly. We cried together when times became tough. Even when you thought your life was going to darkness, I helped lift you up and you found some light. I took care of you everyday mentally, physically, and emotionally. I became your rock, and even an arrogant guy like you can admit that. When you were living in your car and lost your job, I was the one buying you food and buying you dinner. I was the one making sure you were getting what you needed when you needed it the most. I remember the night we went to the Thomas Rhett concert and we were all over each other all night long. You told me you loved me a few weeks before we went to that concert, but I know that you did not mean it now. The week before Thanksgiving you left out of nowhere. Freaking nowhere and went to Virginia. I wrote you so many handwritten letters and I don’t even know if you ever bothered to read half of them. I was so lost in the thrill of it all with you I forgot how to breathe at times. All that really mattered to me was a little bit of clarity and closure, but you did not want to give me the time of day. I came into work in sweats with my glasses on with puffy eyes and tears streaming down my face. Everyone tells me that everyday it will hurt a little less, but everyday it is hurting a little more. I have dated and got my heartbroken multiple times. I have been cheated on multiple times by the same guy. I loved someone for 3 years, but I love you more than I ever loved him in those 3 years, I have given my heart to a fool who has taken every bit of energy out of me. I have nothing else to give, and I can no longer pretend I don’t care. You have damaged me and torn every inch of me apart. You have left me crying my eyes out praying to God that you come back for me, but you never did. You call me and tell you love me, but I know it is not true. I would kill for you and I would take a bullet for you, but I can’t say that you would for me. I pray for you every morning and every night that God doesn’t put you in harm’s way or anything that can take you away from me. You are my best friend even though I am hurt and angry with you at this point in time. I love you with every cell in my body, but I cannot physically or mentally do it anymore. I can no longer fight for someone who does not give a damn about me. I am nothing to you but another girl and an embarrassment. I love you and I am sorry for giving up. Now I know that you never loved me like I loved you. I still love you more than anyone can imagine even though you have hurt me more than anything, I forgive you. I would do anything to make you the happiest man alive even though you will not give me the time of day anymore. I did nothing wrong. I never did anything wrong. I never ever ever did you wrong or hurt you in any way. All I have ever done for you is give you the universe, and you took advantage of the way I loved you. In my opinion, I think you left because you have never truly been loved before. You have never settled down with anyone, and I think your biggest fear is commitment. I will be here through it all. If you decide to go back into the Navy, I will still be here by your side even if you are thousands of miles away to protect this country. If you decide to go into law enforcement, I will still be here praying you come home to me every night safe and sound. Whatever you choose to do in life as a career, I will be here to support you regardless of the circumstances. Now things are a little different. I have moved on even though I never thought I could. There will always be a special place in my heart for you. I wish you the best of luck, and I know you will do great things. Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson, and letting me learn what I deserve in a real man.
