As an Indian-American myself, it was both refreshing and painful to watch Netflix's "Indian Matchmaking" -- that too, with my parents. The show highlights single Indian men and women, and their parents, on their journey with Seema to find a suitable match. I had high expectations for this show, but what it did was highlight the persistent problems of colorism, casteism, and double standards.
Primarily, young men and their parents will want a bride who is fair-skinned, of elite family background, and successful but not more successful than their son. A bride's value increases even more if she's skilled in the kitchen and is domestic, while it decreases if she makes more money than the groom and is dedicated to her career. One suitor Akshay said, "If she's busy with her work, who's going to take care of the kids?". It blows my mind that a man of the twenty-first century can still say that and not face immense backlash, which proves the strength of patriarchy in Indian society. The show paints young Indian men as spoiled, and intimidated by women's success. Women like their mothers and Seema support them by putting down other successful women like Nadia and Aparna.
The show, whether it intended to or not, showcased Indian women's exhausting list of demands that are placed on them. They must adhere to strict Euro-centric beauty standards left by colonization, and enforced by Bollywood. They must remain traditional, and 'culturally educated' while also being a modern working girl. However, they must put aside their careers once it is time to marry and prioritize their family's desires -- never their own. They must be of the right family, which again is something they have no control over. Lastly, they must always -- always -- compromise to the man's needs. Indian women are expected to bend over backwards for men, especially when it comes to getting married.
While watching, I was waiting for Netflix to make its grand point about marriage, or Indian society, or really anything. But by the end, it was clear that what I watched was not a documentary, but reality TV. It exposed the ruthless, biased process of marriage in India, but took pride in it at the same time. It left people to take from it what they wanted to.
Women like Nadia and Ankita are our hope that the new generation of women will reject these beauty standards, will stand up to their mothers and Aunt Seema's, and will reject men who don't put them first. Breaking the patriarchy starts with this: demanding what you deserve.
