How to Name Your Cat to Prove You Don't Need a Man
Start writing a post

How to Name Your Cat to Prove You Don't Need a Man

Please realize this is satire

How to Name Your Cat to Prove You Don't Need a Man
Alanna Paris

Naming a cat is important. It conveys so much about who you are as a person and what you've been through. Cats are also good at replacing men because men are useless. This is why I have come up with names for your cat that show you don't need a man.

1. Boss Woman

Nothing screams feminism like telling people you are a boss woman. What screams feminism so loudly that you break the glass ceiling with your screams is naming your cat Boss Woman.

2. Miss Andry

I mean, not only are men useless, but let's face it: We hate them! All of them! Every time cute little Miss Andry rubs against your leg, it will be a wonderful reminder of how much you just completely loathe men.

3.Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" featuring K*ndr*ck L*m*r

(Note: We have chosen to censor K*ndr*ck's name due to the fact that he is a man and doesn't deserve the satisfaction of vowels that women truly deserve.)

4.Incinerated Bra

Burning a bra is one thing, but having the bra sitting in a heap of ashes is another. You will let people know that no man is needed when you allow for this sort of name.

5.Title IX

Nothing was more groundbreaking than Title IX and you can pay homage to the biggest legislative decision since the 19th amendment by naming your cat this edgy and patriarchy crumbling name.

6.Susan B. Anthony's Hair-bun

We all love Susan B. Anthony for her activism but what we love most about her is her aesthetic. Honor that by naming your feline 'Susan B. Anthony's Hair-Bun' and you can always remember just how on-fleek style can be when that fluff ball rolls up and sleeps next to you on a cold Seneca Falls night.

7. Samson's Haircut

If you're more of the religious type, maybe go for a name for your feline friend that embodies the most iconic story of a woman overcoming man's oppression. Was Delilah a temptress? Or was she actually a trail-blazer for all women ever?

8. Breast Milk

Cat's love milk, breast milk is the cornerstone of society, this one's kind of a no brainers.

9. The Awokening

The Awakening was Kate Chopin's controversial and influential novel written around the turn of the century which brought second wave feminism to the forefront. Mix your vintage feminism with no age terms by naming your precious kitten The Awokening.

10. Patriarchal Razing

Why would we not want to dismantle the patriarchy? We need to be reminded that the patriarchy is a system that needs to be crumbled and naming your cat in such an aggressive and edgy manner will let that show to any and all men who would dare step foot on your home.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Dating Apps

We Met At A Bar

Salvage what you can; if you can't, it's alright to walk away.

We Met At A Bar
Anne Waldon

We met at a bar.

Keep Reading... Show less

The Mets And Me

They may be the worst sometimes, but this baseball team has given me more than I could ask for.

Rich Schultz/Getty Images

On September 3rd, 2001, a sea of children littered my home's navy-carpeted den to watch baseball during my dad's 40th birthday extravaganza. A baseball game flickered on the TV, and a red and blue bubble of a scoreboard sat in the bottom right corner of the screen. The New York Mets and the Philadelphia Phillies were in a wild game at Veterans' Stadium. As I, a five-year-old boy with a jumble of curly blonde hair, sat in the back of the kid clump, I wondered which team I should root for. After a long debate with myself, I decided that I should root for the team that's winning (duh). But, as the ninth inning rolled around with the Phils maintaining a 7-5 lead, some magic occurred. The Mets put up five runs in one frame, stunning the Phillie fans in the room and winning the game 10-7.

Keep Reading... Show less

Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

If you love BTS, I'm sure you relate to one or many of them in several ways. This star test will help you learn more about which member you are most connected to.

Which BTS Member You Are Based On Your Star Sign

Astrological signs tell a lot about a person. Do you ever wonder what your BTS bias star sign is? Is it the same as yours, or or are you more like one of the other amazing members? Take a look and find out what yours (and the members of Bangtan) says about you.

Keep Reading... Show less

Hittin' the Road Playlist

With the end of August approaching more quickly than many of us would like, the preparation for school is happening in more ways than just one.


The car is all packed. The money you saved (and didn't spend online) from your summer internship is secured quietly in your bank account. The immediate reunion with your long-distance college friends is set. The real question on everyone's minds is: do you have the perfect melody to jam to as you journey back to school? 

Keep Reading... Show less

20 Quotes That Will Make You Smile Today

Everyone could use more self-care and without the judgement...

20 Quotes That Will Make You Smile Today

Welcome to a new day and a new opportunity to be our best selves. Here's a list of 20 quotes about self-care, self-love, positivity, and finding inspiration. Carry these quotes with you throughout your day for positive upliftment!

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments