You never expect that it will happen to you. You think that you won't let it get that far and you know when to leave when things are getting out of hand, but the truth is, I thought I would; but I didn't. I thought that I was in a relationship with a nice guy and that seeing abusive relationships were just something you hear about, you don't think its something that you are going to go through.

I have always seen the best in people, I expect everyone to be good. Sometimes it's a blessing but this time it was a curse. I never opened up to anyone really about what happened because I'm not one to ruin someone's reputation and honestly, I didn't want people to see me differently. Differently like I couldn't handle myself, or that I need pity, because I didn't. I didn't tell anyone because no one really understands.

I never saw it coming. He was nice and caring, and the all around nice guy that we wish for in a boyfriend. The first few months were really good and I guess that's where I became blind-sided. I thought I knew him too well and the things he was doing were just going to pass, but in reality, they got worse. I was losing who I was trying to stay with a person who didn't really love me. It really took a toll on me and how I viewed things and how much I could take before I finally broke. There are some things I wish I could forget forever but I know I can't, I know that those memories and those times he made me feel guilty for trying to leave, or the mind games he always played or the one night that was the worst night of my entire life.

I'm not one that likes to be the center of attention, I don't like it and I tend to steer clear, I'm shy, and a big introvert. I don't like to see that all eyes are on me. But one night no matter how hard I tried to dissolve the situation, I couldn't help but feel the eyes that were staring at us as he tried to control me by grabbing my arm. I asked him to let me go, I begged him over and over again to let me go. Some of his friends made a joke and they were staring at us. I don't know what they said, but I tried to shake it off by laughing along. I never want to remember him leaving bruises, or telling me who to look at or when I can laugh at a joke. I never want to remember the emotional and mental toll he put on me when we were dating. Yet, I can remember that night like it happened yesterday. The things I want to remember slip away, while the ones that I want to forget remain fresh day after day.

After the breakup, I thought the feeling up the world be lifted off my shoulders would be enough for me to feel whole again. But it wasn't. It felt nice for a while, until something would happen that would make me have flashbacks of the worst night of my entire life.

I'm in a new relationship and, yeah, I mentioned what happened, but that's just a part of my story, I didn't dwell on it or talk much about it because it was in my past. I didn't know I was still affected by it until a night my boyfriend and I were fighting and I was leaving and all he wanted to do was kiss me and keep me from leaving. He didn't mean to (and believe I would know), but when he grabbed my arm, I broke out in hysterical tears and started crying. I knew then I wasn't over it and that it would be awhile until I would be over it.

Luckily for me, I have a great boyfriend who is really understanding and every day, I get further and further away from those bad memories. Sure, I still have times where I break down and cry but they are occurring less and less. I still look at everyone as though they are good, but sometimes I second guess myself. It was the worst year of my life, but it taught me so much about myself and relationships. It was a dark time, but as they say, the storms will pass and the sun will be shining. Don't give up hope because you are stronger than you think you are.