My mother has never been nor will she ever be my friend. I say this with delecasy because many women by my age will either claim their relationship with there mothers has developed in such a way that they are now "friends."
My relationship is no where near that. For many years, my mother has taken on the responsibility of two parents: mother and father. Thus, there was never any running to dad if I wanted assistance in persuasion. I did not have that luxury. No always meant no.
I could never tell my mother "everything" like most young teens began to do because that required to be automatically interrogated with "who, what, where, why and how." But reminiscing back, I believe that was all she could do. Today, she continues such actions, however, I do not blame her. Rather, I can only say she is doing her best for a single parent.
Talking about boys or even my sexuality was and still continues to be uncomfortable because of such qualities. Growing up, I was always the additional hand. Helping my siblings get ready, babysitting, cleaning, making sure my homework and their homework was done; I rarely ever complained.
It eventually created this new arrangement between my mother and I. I had become assistance for my mother, hence why there was very little room for communication and expression of personal troubles and feelings.
My mother had and still continues to have other responsibilities to attend to. For instance, going to school, working, paying bills and assisting my siblings now that I am not around as much as I used to be.
As long as there is no interruption from that routine, all must be well with everyone. This must come off as, unfortunate, however, it made my siblings and I accountable and independent and closer with one another.
Naturally, siblings should try to get along and love each other. But I was told a long time ago that "siblings do not have to love each other, but they have to respect each other." Our mother not being our "friend" has caused us to rely on each other for the emotional support. We have become each other's "friend" despite the nine to 11-year age gap.
Now, it is as if there is a balance of some sort. My mother must focus on parenting while we, my siblings and I, focus on being understanding to our needs and supportive to one another.
Of course we have our off days, but what group of siblings does not? I am actually grateful my mother is not "our friend" because our mother needs to be our parent over anything.
