Hookup Culture And Dating Apps Scare Me And I Know Why

Hookup Culture And Dating Apps Scare Me And I Know Why

Maybe one day I'll swipe right to the alter.
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I first downloaded Tinder last year as a joke. I did it so my friends and I could scroll through people, laugh, and see if anyone we knew popped up. The whole concept was funny and I actually made a fake Facebook account entitled Ma Frita so that I could be on there discreetly without being identified. The whole thing was scary to me. I also had fake accounts on FarmersOnly.com as well as Christian Mingle. Dating apps were always so funny and pathetic to me... until I actually started to use them.

I began un-ironically speaking to people on Tinder some time ago, I am uncertain of the actual date. The strange thing about me is I am not what anyone would ever deem traditional. I am a gender queer bisexual individual who has long hair and wears a whole lot of makeup. I confuse the world to be honest. However, when it comes to sex I am a Chasity belt boasting conservative. I do not do casual sex. I just won't. It's not me and even if I wanted to, I'm not sure that I could even fathom going to a complete stranger's house to have intimacy with them.

However, dating sites seemed to be chalked full of people desiring just this. I always thought Tinder was the sleaziest of dating sites. It has the reputation for being nothing more than one giant orgy. However, the one date I did go on with someone I met on Tinder was unbelievably sweet and the other apps I had thought to be so foolproof and wholesome sadly proved me wrong.

One dating app I found to be a marvelous idea was Hinge. I in no way mean to rag on Hinge and I am sure many people have had a lot of success on it, however, a vast majority of my experiences were not positive. The first issue is all the bugs the app itself has. I was constantly having my messages deleted, the app crashes, or random super long freezes on the app where messages failed to be sent. I deleted the app and redownloaded it time and time again just for a few messages to be sent through.

The concept behind this app is to log into your Facebook app and then Hinge will sync all your Facebook friends. Hinge will then set you up with friends of friends so you can find mutual people who you already have connections to. It seemed absolutely foolproof! You could find friends of friends to and already have a common bond. Not to mention, instead of just swiping left or right like you do on Tinder, you had to like a specific attribute about them. You had to comment on one of their interest and photos along with a comment.

It seemed like the perfect thing. However, it was the home of the perverts. Not just home of the perverts, but the home of the scary kind. I got into a long discussion with someone on there who claimed he took my friend's virginity then said he would do the same to me. I told him to screw right off and questioned him further on my friend. I called him out for being a creepy pervert who never went to college and he then began to post screenshots on our conversation on my Facebook wall where every single family member follows me.

I started to get paranoid, afraid he might have gone into my "about section" and seen my family members, only to start spamming them as well. I had fear and anxiety welling up within me and was so angry that this had all spewed from a dating app. There's too much access. At the touch of a button, they have a portal into your friends and family as well as something that goes beyond your control such as posting on your Facebook wall. My experience on that app was actually frightening. I felt scared and also like I couldn't control what was occurring.

It seems to me a lot of people are on dating apps for sex. I can't imagine doing so even though I in no way judge people who do. However, if I did want to have casual sex complete strangers online would be the last place I would decide to look. In my heart of hearts, I desire a relationship and the midnight "come over" or "are you coming out?" texts have implied meanings that I think are sad and dangerous for women to have to constantly decipher and analyze.

I don't want to be scared of men and assume they all want something from them that I am not and won't be able to give them. I want to believe in love, believe in romance, and believe that I am worthy of a beautiful fantasy like I so often see portrayed in the movies. I want to believe my body and what it can do is not my greatest asset to them, but what I find on these apps proves me wrong time and time again.

Some may say why go to dating apps if you do not desire casual sex? I am actually exceedingly pro dating apps. I have recently written an entire article on how I think high school sweethearts are outdated and overrated. I think that if you are honest about yourself in the app and straightforward of what precisely you're looking for, you are opening yourself up to perfect communication.

You never know if the guy, girl, or anywhere in between you are speaking to at school is interested in you because, in reality, they aren't there to find a future partner, they are there to learn. Although there is some sort of question as to why dating apps the main purpose for it is to find someone. There's no question about the feelings when you're straightforward and honest with the person you are talking with.

At this point in my life, even though I am in school and work as well, I truly think online dating might be one of the best ways to find a mate. Sometimes I am proved wrong when I have interactions with the scum of humanity on some apps, however even though I have had scumbag experience I have had good experiences as well.

So just know when I swipe right on you I am not swiping for you to fall into my bed, but rather to fall into my arms, fall in love. I want something real and I think that it can be found anywhere. So I'll keep trying, I'll keep working, I'll keep swiping. Maybe one day I'll swipe right to the altar.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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6 Important Must Knows For Dating Sassy And Sarcastic Girls

Brace yourselves boys, she's a tough one.
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Dating a girl with a big personality can be tricky. They are some of the most amazing girls but to keep them, one needs to understand them. Here are six important things you must be aware of before you give your heart to a sassy and sarcastic girl.

1. Stubborn

She is going to be the most stubborn creature you will ever meet. I say "creature" because she might actually scare you with how much she refuses to back down until you have full proof she is wrong. And if you can’t prove her wrong, just suck up your pride and let her be right or she’ll never quit. But just remember that she’s simply passionate about whatever it is and you should be proud of her for that.

2. Bluntness

She is going to be blunt. So be prepared to hear the truth. She isn’t going to care how mad you get, if you’re being rude, she won’t be afraid to put you in your place. If your choice of clothing isn’t matching, she’ll tell you. Whatever it is, she isn’t going to keep the truth from you. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes she’s just a little too straightforward.

3. Sensitivity

Be careful sometimes with your choice of words. Though she is blunt, she is also sensitive. Her sarcastic personality is sometimes just a defense mechanism because she fears opening up. She worries a lot and continues to ponder the things you say. Remind her she is loved.

4. Friends

She is going to have a lot more guy friends than she will have girl friends. Why? Because guys tend to find more humor in her sarcasm and don’t take it so personal, whereas other girls take it as she’s being serious and just rude. However, don’t be jealous because trust me, you’re 100 percent hers and those guy friends are just that — friends.

5. Insults

She’s not going to flirt with you by giggling and blushing and calling you cute. She’s going to call you an idiot and smack you across the shoulder or back because to her, that’s easier than being all giddy and speechless over how much she likes you. And even when she’s calling you names, which really is in all fun and games, she doesn’t mean it seriously, she’s actually just saying “I love you” in her own special language.

6. Shorty

If she’s short in addition to being sassy and sarcastic, you’re in for a big treat with her. She is not only going to be full of fast wit, but she is going to have so much spunk in her you won’t know what to do. She will be so feisty that she won’t be afraid of anything or anyone and you yourself won’t even know how to handle her. That’s what makes her special.

It takes a certain type of person to be able to give their heart to someone who can so easily break it with their strong headed personality. But a sarcastic and sassy girl is going to be the one girl who is going to love you with all that she has. Treat her right, and she’ll treat you right.

Cover Image Credit: Larisa Birta

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Poetry On Odyssey: The Love Story Of A Moth

I should be flying endlessly towards the moon.

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Each one

pulls me in,

a spotlight to my heart.

I am drawn to

the lights that shine

inside of houses.


A moth attracted to

their warm colors,

I absorb them

all over my body.


Each time

I find myself

hitting the window

countless times

until I realize

I will never be allowed

inside.


My heart falls

and flutters towards the windowsill,

as the light inside

switches off.


The moon shines on

behind me,

and it's glow is taunting

because I know that

I have settled for less.

I know that

I should be flying endlessly

towards the moon

instead of beating myself up against windows

that will never open.


But each night

I still find myself

craving for your light

when I know that the moon is willing to give me all of its glow.

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