First I have to start with a trigger warning: this article mentions self-harm and eating disorder.
Hello boys and girls, this article is going to get pretty personal so buckle up because you are in for one wild ride. I am generally a very open person and have no problem sharing the nitty gritty details of my mental health struggle. I have decided to share this journey with all of you and how to I have learned to manage it, in hopes that it will help someone else.
To start off we have to travel back in time a bit, we are going back to when I was 16. It was only three years ago, but it feels like ages. When I was 16 it felt like my depression ruled over me, instead of the other way around. I felt like a slave to my own mind and there was no way out. I had gotten into self-harming just to feel like I had some sort of control. I was 16 and didn't know any better. During this time I had developed an eating disorder as well. This leads me to a 3-year struggle of attempting to stop, but that's a lot easier said than done.
I took you all back to 16 to show you how bad it was not to look for pity or anything like that. I wanted to show you because things can get better. I had started therapy a few months after my 16th birthday and I wasn't the same person when I decided I was ready to step away from it in August of 2018.
Therapy has helped me to become someone I never thought I would be. It has helped me learn to control my own mind and manage my depressive state a lot easier.
A big thing for me was not being alone. When I feel depressed I need to surround myself with people that make me feel good, make me laugh, and people I can just have a good time with. It may not help everyone, it is a good thing to keep in mind. Being able to share your feelings with people that you care about and people that care about you are also things that are extremely helpful. Knowing you aren't alone in this battle with your mind can make all the difference.
Next, I'm just going to be blunt with it; let go of toxic people. It doesn't matter how much you care about them or how much you think they care about you. If they hurt you repeatedly, they are not your friends. This was one of the biggest problems I had. I wanted to hold on to everyone no matter how much they hurt me and in the end, it only hurt me more. As I started to drop more toxic people I was slowly getting better. By the end of my senior year, I was in remission from my eating disorder.
Over the summer, I was slowly learning to love myself more. As of three and a half months ago, I am in remission from self-harm as well. I am not going to lie there are definitely times when I have the urge especially because it's still so new. I listen to some good music or watch a funny movie and just take a break from the world for a little bit. I feel a million times better after.
Every day is a battle, but it's a manageable one. If I slay my demons today then tomorrow will feel like nothing. Things can get so much easier. I believe in all of you. Keep fighting because, in the end, it will not be an endless fight. It will be a deep breath smile. I shared only a small portion of my story, but I shared in hopes that one day it can help someone else.
