Karah,
I just want to start off by saying I miss you. I miss everything about you. I cannot put into words, and I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words how much you meant to me, and how much you will always mean to me. I miss going on walks, talking for hours on end, and staying up til the wee hours of the night eating pizza and junk food and pondering life and what the future had in store for us. There was no one quite like you, and I will always hold our special bond and friendship near and dear to my heart. I will always think about you. I will always miss you.
October 25, 2011: the last time I shared a laugh with you. This was the last time I could hug you or see you smile. This was the last time I could hear your infectious laugh in person (I can still hear it in my head to this day). I did not know I would never see you again after this day, and there’s so much that I wish I could tell you, but I’m sure you know. I’m sure you know how much I appreciate our friendship and how much I loved you. You were the one who showed me what a true friend was, and I hold everyone to that standard. You were the one who I knew I could call at 3 in the morning, even if it was just to talk about something as stupid as if it was going to snow or not. By the way, I miss snow days. I miss being able to walk over to your house to blast Eminem and talk for countless hours. I miss all of that.
It was about 9:00 in the morning on October 26th, 2011 when I found out. I was in high school at the time, a sophomore to be exact. I was only 15. I remember walking through the cold hallway filled with a bunch of people crowded around me, with maybe a foot of breathing room, yet I felt so alone. I was in shock and I don’t know how else to describe the feeling that I had that day besides emptiness. I really just felt empty. I didn’t like this feeling, and I did not know what to do or how to react, or even if I could react for that matter. I just could not comprehend the fact that I was told that it was “bad.” What did “bad” even mean?
October 27th, 2011, at about 9:30 at night I was on the phone with one of my good friends talking about Karah. We were talking about all of the fun things and also all of the crazy things that we used to do all together. For example, I specifically remember talking about the time that we took the neighborhood sign. I was on a walk with Karah after school one day walking my dog, and she met me with her dog. We were just wandering around the neighborhood and I was leaning against the sign that goes on her road, and it ended up falling off. We panicked and put the sign behind this big rock on the side of the road, and honestly, we laughed for hours and thought it was the funniest thing in the world, but also felt so bad and ended up getting it and putting it next to the pole that it fell off of the next day.
So, here I was talking with my friend about a memory with Karah when my mom yelled to me. She yelled to me the news that I feared hearing, and I just remember feeling completely cold and emotionless. I was told that Karah had left this world. I know she left this world the way that she wanted to, though. She left not only an impact on me, but all of her friends and I learned the next day at school that she left a huge impact on people she did not even know personally. I knew her smile could light up a room, and her kindness and selflessness impacted my life, but I learned that she impacted so many other lives. She is a special person and a special friend. I miss her, and I miss her beyond belief. I know so many other friends and especially her family misses her. That is because she is special, and I could not be more thankful to have had her as a close friend. She changed me and showed me what it was like to have a strong friendship and also feel so loved at the same time.
I just want to thank you. Thank you, Karah, for being the person that you were and showing me what selflessness really looks like. Also, thank you for showing me that celebrating your life and the life you lived on this earth is more important than mourning your loss and you not being here with all of us. Trust me, as selfish as it sounds, I wish you were still here. There are times that I am doing something that I think to myself “if Karah was here, this would be even better” or “Karah would think I’m an idiot for doing this, but laugh at me and tell me it’s okay,” because she would, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. For those of you who didn’t get the chance to meet Karah, you missed out. I love you homie, I hope you’re living life and laughing and smiling wherever may be.
