Have you ever had a week? You know, that week you refer to in all caps bold, italicized and underlined? We are about halfway through this first semester, and that WEEK just hit me. On top of an already busy schedule, I had three major papers to write, no time to sleep, and an extreme bout of homesickness. The negative cherry on top of the worst sundae ever was learning that my one and only ex-boyfriend is dating someone else, a girl whom I respect. I would not have been so affected by a memory of him if we had ended amicably. You see, our relationship began in the "honeymoon" phase and turned into a manipulative and dangerous relationship. I was emotionally scarred from the experience; I shut out my family and struggled with talking to my mentors about what had happened.
Why do we allow our past to affect us the way it does?
Whether it is seeing an ex-partner, reliving an argument, or constantly thinking about our mistakes, it is easy for us to get caught up in what we have done and lose sight of what we plan to do. For me, it was making some of my most regrettable mistakes in this relationship and dealing with depression for several months after I had ended things. I freely admit that my only relationship with a boy has significantly tarnished my view of men, and I so want that to change.
I have a serious case of letting my past eat into my future.
Paul knew better than anyone about having to let go of his past. You know Paul, the guy who used to be Saul and was basically the enemy of Christians? He facilitated what modern-day Christians refer to as the first martyr of the New Testament, Stephen. Yeah, this same guy ended up devoting his life to serving God and wrote most of the New Testament, but I am sure he struggled with his dark past often. Paul says it best when he encourages the Philippians in chapter 3: "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
My guilt over the poor choices I have made in my life is not heaven-sent. Let me repeat that: guilt is NOT from God. Guilt is our enemy because it causes us to dwell in our own thoughts rather than bring our cares to God. He wants to comfort our hearts, so we should let Him! He has forgiven us, and as followers of Christ, our future is in heaven no matter what the trials of Earth may look like. Paul hits home when he says that we need to stop constantly reminding ourselves of what we have done wrong in our past and continue to look toward Jesus, the Prince of Peace.
If you feel you are being held captive by your past, breathe.
I know the pain, the feeling that you cannot escape what you are trying to run from. But, listen to this: you can, and you will. Know that there is a beautiful future in front of you and that light always comes after darkness. These are not just cheesy sentiments meant to cheer you up; these are promises found in the Word of God. His promises are true, and He will never leave you or forsake you. We are human; we will still struggle with regret and depression because of our pasts. We can be affected by guilt in the middle of a good or bad week, and the battle for peace will begin again. However, we have the best hope: Jesus only cares about our futures. Our pasts have no control over us when Jesus is in the picture.
