Growing up was a challenging time for me. I turned to books and movies to escape from the realities I was faced with. I needed something which could give me hope. Hope that there could be, would be an end to the nightmare that was my life. There were movies that taught me lessons that have stuck with me to this day.

The first movie was "Bambi." I learned that people are cruel and have no regard for the lives of creatures. I learned that life, love, and loss are interconnected. You couldn't control the pain others chose to inflict upon you, you could just survive it. Life became how you responded to the tragedy. That I learned from the movie.

The other lessons I learned after the movie ended. I cried, I felt Bambi's pain. I felt Bambi's loss. Looking back, I can understand that was empathy. The other lessons I learned from my tears. I was teased, I was tormented. I was called stupid for reacting that way to a movie. Then I was compared to Thumper, and the paraphrase of Thumper's speech became words I was forced to live by, "if you can't say nothing nice, don't say anything at all."

From that point, I was punished for speaking out, for questioning why I was treated the way I was. I couldn't complain when I was bullied, tormented, or teased. I couldn't speak up to defend others. These things wouldn't be nice to say.

The next movie to impact my world was, "Mommy Dearest." With this movie, I finally understood what my childhood was. I was merciless. I used that phrase, yes Mommy Dearest, many times. By this point I was older, not quite a teenager, but I understood, I had a weapon I could use to fight back. And I fought hard. I can only imagine, the fact I was allowed to watch this probably ended up being one of her biggest regrets.

I also learned from this movie, people will look to appearance. If it looks good, safe, pleasant from the outside, they won't intrude, they won't peek behind the façade at the dysfunction underneath. Again, no one was coming to my rescue. I was on my own to save myself.

The third movie to teach me the secrets of life and people was "Dangerous Liaisons." This was the first VHS movie I ever purchased. I may still have it, packed safely away after countless moves and almost 30 years.

With this movie I learned, the games people play. I learned that not everything is what it seems, in fact almost nothing is. I learned, nothing could be taken at face value. I learned to pay attention to the smallest detail. I learned how cruel people could be, actually, I already knew, I just learned it was everyone, not simply my little corner of hell.

I'm grateful for the movies that helped shape my life. From today's perspective, I imagine someone could look back and find fatal flaws in the lot of them. I know the flaws are there, but so am I, and I may owe my life to the lessons I've learned. Everything has flaws. It's how you respond to the flaws that make you the person you chose to be.

* http://www.disneyquotes.com/bambi-quotes/

** https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082766/

*** https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094947/