And yet, here I am admitting it. I'm admitting that I miss home from time to time and the only thing keeping me going through these next few weeks is the thought of summer. No school and no homework or finals and just being home.
But being home means lounging on the couch watching movies, being in a town where everything is basically always the same (for as good or bad as that might be), and being around the bright, happy, fluffy face of my 12-year-old golden retriever who always welcomes me home. Even being able to drive (I really miss being able to drive) is something I miss and spending time with my parents is still pretty nice most of the time (love you guys).
And really somehow, I find myself missing home from time to time. Although, I usually blame it on something arbitrary like stress or anxiety or even just being tired of campus or something as simple as I miss my dog. Missing home is a common occurrence for college kids, no matter how far you live from campus or how old you are, but that doesn't mean it gets any easier to admit.
In all honesty, part of the reason I don't want to express how much I miss home or my family is that I don't want to seem non-independent. I don't want to appear needy or that I have regrets about where I am. I knew before coming to college that I'd have to deal with not being home when I always wanted to. I do love where I'm at and know that despite missing home, I'm where I'm supposed to be. I'm pursuing a career that I'm passionate about and ready to dive into where this career takes me in life, despite the times I doubt it and myself.
Even then, I do wonder about what my life would be like had I made different decisions: from if I had stayed in-state for school to what if I had chosen a different major and even any of the other thoughts that make me wonder "What if…" But in all of this, I do know that I wouldn't have met the amazing people who are in my life and having the experiences I have or even learning about a career which has so many angles to it it's almost crazy.
I wonder about my path in life and if I'm making the right decisions now to lead me on a course for a successful life later on. I, like everyone else, doubt myself. But that's not to say that this is where I let myself get held back. No, if anything this is all the more reason to pursue the life I want and have the experiences to fulfill goals and create memories and so much more.
So yes, I miss home. Am I confident in saying this? No. But that's okay. I know for a fact that I'm not the first college kid to have missed home. Nor do I think that it's something should just be blamed on stupid little reasons. Home might not always be where you're from, but it's something that you will always love and treasure and is what makes you, you.