If you suffer from a mental health illness or issue, you know what it's like to have someone treat you differently the moment they find out. They'll shift their eyes to hide the reaction but in their minds the distinction is made: you're alien, other, different.
Growing up with Borderline Personality Disorder has hardened me to this, but also leaves me longing for a change in the way mental health is perceived. Here are just a few misconceptions about my particular flavor of mental illness:
1. That we are unable to form healthy relationships.
It's perfectly possible to form a healthy, loving relationship with your partner. I've been with my boyfriend for eight years and we're incredibly happy. Communication really is the glue that holds any relationship together, and it's true for those with mental health obstacles, as well. It just takes Super Krazy Glue. As long as you are open and honest with your partner in regard to your mood swings, feelings, irrationalities, and bad days, everything will be peachy. (Hold on to self-awareness so that you are able to effectively share these with your partner. It'll come easier with time.)
2. We're indecisive to the point of being co-dependent.
Insert wrong answer game show buzzer here.
In reality, we fear making any decision that someone else won't like. While it may be frustrating that our answers revolve around "Whatever you want," and "You decide, I don't care," but that's what BPD is all about: fear of abandonment, or not being liked. Be patient with us. We will come around as we get comfortable.
3. Our negative emotions aren't valid because they're a product of the disease.
Our emotions don't necessarily stem from our illness, they can merely be exacerbated by it. Everyone fears rejection to some extent. Everyone gets jealous, mad, upset, sad. BPD can just take those emotions are cripple us with their intensity. That doesn't mean they aren't real, or that we aren't allowed to explore or experience them. And it doesn't mean you get to ignore them or write them off as make-believe.
4. Disassociation means that we don't care.
We hate disassociation and it is not a choice. We don't want our friends to think we don't care, and we don't want friends/family/coworkers to get upset when we don't remember things just said, or plans we've made. If anything, it makes us care more because we have to backtrack and make up for lost time or hurt feelings.
5. We act out or are emotional for attention.
Most people with BPD or any mental illness hate their outbursts and easily shifting moods. We don't want negative attention anymore than a healthy person would. Nor do we want to have to apologize for having strong feelings, even if they occur more often than the average person. We deal with this as well as we can and if it draws attention, then so be it. And if someone confides their harmful thoughts or emotions to you, and you see it as attention-seeking as opposed to a cry for help, then you are a terrible friend and person, IMHO.
