10 Reasons Men Need Great Calves

10 Reasons Men Need Great Calves

6. It's probably healthy or something...


Listen up, men: today's trends are too fleeting to be worth your notice. Stay away from man-buns, undercuts, washboard abs, and rompers. Here are ten reasons why it's time to focus on attaining great calves.

1. They make a good first impression.


The phrase "put your best foot forward" doesn't exist for nothing. The calves are an eye-catching part of the body, and a well-kept calf is like a firm handshake: it tells people that you're determined, professional, humorous, good with kids, bookish, and every other personable quality that you can determine accurately when you base your first impressions of people off one physical characteristic.

2. They're patriotic.

You love your country? Then get yourself some great calves. Need more convincing? Well, this painting is patriotic. There are many well-defined calves in it. I rest my case.

3. There's a long history behind appreciating great calves.

Hearken to the olden times, before the ages of the selfie stick, when even the richest and most powerful citizens of this land had but a few visual documentations of their existence. Now, what do these portraits have in common? That's right: great calves. Men of ages past knew how they wanted to be remembered, and it involved the legacy of their calves living on.

4. Self-presentation is even more important in the digital age!

A couple hundred years have come and gone, and we've moved from portraits to portrait mode. The ease and frequency with which we can share pictures of ourselves with others just goes to prove how important calf upkeep is. Your life is being constantly documented, and the last thing you need is getting tagged in another un-calf-flattering photo on Facebook. Calf work is worth it: that Instagram story may disappear after 24 hours, but your well-formed legs will live in your followers' minds long after.

5. They lead to success.

George Washington had famously attractive calves, and he was a six-star general and our nation's first president. Coincidence? I think not.

(If you know anything about the history of the painting pictured above, you will know that Washington would have realistically been sitting down in the boat. However, Emanuel Leutze was not factually misinformed when painting this piece of our nation's history. He wanted to give credit where credit was due: calves. Wake up, America. Washington led the colonists, and calves led Washington.)

6. Having great calves is probably healthy or something...

7. Bad calves have sordid connections.

Do you see this statue of Thomas Jefferson? Do you see how his calves are partially covered by his coat? We can therefore surmise that Jefferson was likely lacking in the calf department.

Furthermore, are you aware that, in the words of Daveed Diggs, "[Jefferson] sucked!"? There's a pattern, people.

8. Even like, the non-muscle calves are cool.

If you happen to bring up your calves in conversation, even a misunderstanding can be beneficial. Observe the exchange below:

Dan: "Oh yeah, I been working on my calves a lot lately."

Karen: "Wow, it's so nice to hear you work with animals! Calves are so cute! Although no calf could be as pleasing to the eye as the dashing figure you cut."

There's just no way to lose.

9. You can show off without looking like a show-off!

We've all been around him before. The try-hard. The guy who is always looking for an opportunity to take off his shirt, believing flexing his abs is the key to social and romantic eminence. The truth is, what you really want is to show off without ever entering the danger zone of becoming the dreaded try-hard.

A calf-centric sense of self-worth will help you establish yourself with class and subtlety. All you have to do to show off your calves is to wear shorts, skinny jeans, or knee breeches. Throw a slightly jaunty stance in there, and hello good fellow your way into a "Pride and Prejudice" leading role.

10. They will give you pun-derful opportunities.

On days when you're particularly feeling yourself, you can refer to your greatest accomplishments as "the golden calves." Or if your friend wants to grab coffee because they're calf asleep, you can suggest going to that calf-e you like, even if you only want something de-calf-feinated.

If you're ready to take on this new lifestyle, there's no need to be intimidated. To paraphrase Teddy Roosevelt, if you believe you can, you're calfway there.

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An Open Letter To Every Girl With A Big Heart, Except When It Comes To Herself

Because it's so much easier to love everyone around you before yourself.

They say the key is that you have to "love yourself before you can love anyone else," or before "anyone can love you."

For those who deal with mass amounts of anxiety, or have many insecurities, that can be an extremely hard task. It seems much easier to tell your friend who is doubting herself that she looks great in that top than to look in the mirror and feel the same about yourself. It is much easier to tell your significant other that everything is going to be OK than to believe it will be when something goes wrong in your life. It becomes easier to create excuses for the ones around you than for yourself, and this is because you have such a big heart. You want those that you love to be happy and worry-free, yet you spend nights thinking about everything you have on your plate, about what you did wrong that day, fearing if someone in your life is mad at you, believing that you will never be good enough yet convincing everyone else that they are.

You are the girl with the biggest heart, yet you can't love yourself the way you care for everyone else in your life. There are many reasons that you should love yourself, though, and that's something that everyone around you is willing to tell you.

You're thoughtful.

Before doing anything, you always consider how it is going to affect those around you. You don't want to do anything that could hurt someone, or something that could make someone mad at you. It does not take much to make you happy, just seeing others happy does the job, and it is that simple. Because of this, you remember the little things. Meaningful dates, small details, and asking someone how their day was is important to you, and it makes those around you feel important too. You simply just want the people that you care about to be happy, and that is an amazing trait.

You're appreciative.

You don't need a big, fancy, and expensive date night to make you happy. Whether it's a picnic on the beach or a night in watching a movie, you're happy to just be with the person that you love. You appreciate every "good morning" text, and it truly does mean something when someone asks how you are. You tend to appreciate the person that you're with more than the things that they provide and for that, your sincerity will never go unnoticed.

You have a lot of love in your heart.

Every "I love you" has meant something, just as you remember the smallest moments that have meant the most to you. You remember the look in your significant other's eyes when they told you that for the first time. You remember the smile on your best friend's face when you told them that everything was going to be OK and that you would always be there. You remember the swell of happiness your parents felt when you decided to surprise them with a trip home one day, and you thrive off of all of that love.

You don't give up on the people you love, even if they have given you a reason to.

It is a foreign idea to just drop someone from your life, even if they betrayed you. You try to look at their mistake from every stance, not wanting to provide an excuse for them, but to give them another chance. Not everyone deserves it, and that is something that you learn along the way, but you feel good in the sense that you gave them a chance even if no one else would.

It's OK to not love yourself all the time. It's normal, and natural to stand in the mirror and think about everything wrong. And it's OK to love other people, even when you can't feel the same about yourself. But your big heart is why you should love yourself. There are so many reasons that you are a beautiful person, and the people that you spend all your time caring about feel that you have so much more to offer the world, and yourself.

So, next time you think about what you don't like about yourself, remember what makes you special –– the size of your heart and all of the love in it, and then share that love with yourself.

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Thoughts Every College Student Has Had As Told By 'Bojack Horseman'

"Can we please get some alcohol into my mouth?"


It took me a while before I finally decided to watch Bojack Horseman. I thought it looked ridiculous because I'm not a huge fan of new cartoons; however, I am SO glad I decided to watch it (binge it all in two days, actually). The existential dread in this show is probably one of the most relatable things I've ever seen. Millennial's, if you haven't watched this show yet... You need to.

Without further ado, here are some times where Bojack Horseman was basically a college student.

1. When your roommate is out partying and he/she should be studying for finals

Seriously, I wish I could not care and party instead of study... But I actually would like to pass finals. Enjoy living in your world of bliss while I'm over here binge-studying all night.

2. Realizing that being an adult has more responsibilities than you're ready for

Let's just say every college kid has had one of these crises before. Responsibilities? What is that? Help me.

3. Knowing you simply have no self-control when it comes to food

What is it about college kids and binge eating? I don't know the answer but I can tell you I eat a whole pizza in one sitting about once a week and feel all the feels that Bojack expresses.

4. ... and then have to work all the food off because spring break is almost here

Why did anyone ever decide that running was a good idea?

5. When exams are approaching and the dread kicks in

As someone who cries pretty much every day, let me tell you this quote is #relatableaf. But, even more so when I'm cramming for finals.

6. When you're supposed to be productive but get drunk instead

Honestly, this is so me when I have to actually do something important. Let's just order a pizza and drink some beers, the responsibilities will be there tomorrow.

7. Speaking of procrastination...


This is any time I have to do a presentation in front of the class with PowerPoint. A great font will definitely get me that A, right?

As you can see, Bojack is the poster-horse for millennial existential crises, which if you're a college student, you know far too well. As a matter of fact, if you've never watched this show, I suggest blowing off your exams to binge it all in a few days -- like I did. Happy procrastinating!

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