So I’d thought I would make this post a little bit more personal. I’m going to be talking about the meaning to my very first tattoo.
Every Flower must Grow through Dirt
That is my tattoo.
What does it mean you may ask?
It has a deep meaning that not many may know about me but I think I’m ready to share with the world.
See when I entered college I went through a break up and that break up did not help me in the beginning. I started to think a lot of what I had to do to get myself back on track especially mentally.
The guys were so aggressive on letting me know they wanted to have sex with me. I would hear things such as, “you’re third on my list” or “you're the Spanish Girl” while licking their lips and eyeing me down as they were undressing me with their eyes. I felt like bate to these so called men wherever I went and all it did was trigger my trauma and make me want to hide all the time. (Which I did)
I decided that this was the year I was going to take control of my life and one of the big ones I had to do was release my deepest secret to my family. It was the hardest thing I had to do ever in my life. But I did it.
A lot of you would never guess this but I was raped by my grandfather from the age of 3 until I was 7 years old. For many years I blamed myself for what had happened and felt that I needed to keep it to myself to protect everyone else in my family. I told myself that it would be best to just suck it up and keep it a secret than to confess about my secret of what happened to me and ruin the family.
So what does all that have to do with my tattoo you may ask?
Every Flower must Grow through Dirt
I’m the flower, and I had to go through what I went through in my life to become this beautiful flower that I am today. Without all the dirt I wouldn’t grow and become an independent strong young lady that no longer keeps things to herself. I chose it to be places down my spine because it was my deepest and most painful secret so I wanted to get the tattoo there to remind myself I can overcome any pain. And along me is my grandmother so I have butterly to represent her, even though she’s not around anymore she will always be with me.
I hope that if you have been raped/sexually assaulted you too can come face to face with what happened to you and grow from it no matter how hard it may get. And if you’re scared of what others may think of you or scared they wont believe you, I believe you and you’re strong for choosing to love and live everyday of your life. You are not what happened to you, take control of what they can’t and that is how you let it affect you. I say this not only for you readers but for myself as well because there’s times where it’s gonna take over your mind and it’s hard to ignore but if you’re atleast trying to overcome it and doing small steps to get better you’re half way there.
I’m still growing from it, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes we need reminders which is why I got mine on my back.
This was a hard post to share but it was needed and I hope I helped anyone or can help.
If you have any comments about this post or questions feel free to email me at arielysb.rosario@gmail.com
